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Emmalevine
12-05-2011, 05:51 AM
Hi all

I seem to have fallen into a dark place where I can't find my spiritual joy anymore. I've had periods of disconnection before but this seems more than that...it's a feeling of not caring/bothering. I can normally find comfort in an inspirational quote no matter how awful I feel, but right now I can't. They just make me angry because they come from a place that just doesn't resonate with me right now.

I'm having a few powerful dreams (nice ones) that are registering on some level so I believe I'm supported by spirit. I'm seeing vivid lights in meditation and out, my room is lit up with particles at night etc. Those things are wonderful and I love seeing them. I don't know why I feel so low.

It's as if I can't find my meaning even though I'm aware this is part of a bigger picture. I feel both bored and stuck in life. I'm ill and want to get better so I can live life, but this has never been an issue before due to my spiritual beliefs and ability to find meaning in my circumstances. I have more freedom to get well due to my disabled son going to his dad's longer. Things should be much easier than they have been for years, but they are not.

I also feel lost in the longing for childhood needs to be met, even though the past is done. I only have the future yet I live in longing to change what has already happened.

I need to let go I guess, but that isn't want I want. I'm aware on some level I must WANT to be stuck like this as otherwise I wouldn't be. It fills some sort of angry, sad need.

It's as if I'm pushing everything good away. I don't want to...but on some level maybe I do?

But the stuck feeling is well and truly real. I do feel panicky about the future and lost in longing for the past. The present isn't wonderful either. I'm grieving for someone lost, hurting over my son and my ill health. But whereas before I could see the joy in the sunrise or the flowers in my garden, or as I said a beautiful quote, now I simply can't.

Any help or thoughts appreciated.

konrard
12-05-2011, 05:59 AM
hi starbuck

I too know how it is to feel the way you describe. It sucks. Its like nothing made sense and nothing ever got any better, it just changed a little bit, and had its highs and lows.

I think you should just think of the thing that you like doing the most, more than anything, and start doing it. maybe something creative, or something just fun. dont guilt yourself over the time you spend doing it :) and just in that time, just let yourself be, just like you used to when you were a kid

remember when you were a kid and you could just have so much fun. even if you were by yourself, its like you could just be your own best friend.

forgive yourself for not reconnecting with your child hood first and just forgive yourself for everything else. think of how good its going to be when you have a new beginning out of this. i know you can come out of this :D
you are loved :hug3: :hug2:

Natalia
12-05-2011, 06:43 AM
:hug2: You certainly are loved. be kind to yourself. We all slip now and then but we can and do get guided back to the light inside ourselves. Feed your light love. It helps keep those nasty negatives away. You are a beautiful being.

Bright Blessings :color:

themaster
12-05-2011, 08:21 AM
Hey starbuck.. :smile:

Didn't we talk about this stuff before.. like say in a earlier thread? :D

I would suggest some review.. and it's okay to feel dissociated.. everyone’s going through it.. :smile:

Another good plan is to watch some "Battlestar Galactica" old or new :wink:

Emmalevine
12-05-2011, 09:56 AM
Thanks for the replies everyone. I will bear those thoughts in mind. Hopefully this will pass.

Themaster - did we? I might have forgotten, but the point is this feels different to where I might've been before. More apathetic.

My username doesn't spring from Galactica! Everyone thinks it does, but they're wrong :tongue:

Gem
12-05-2011, 10:08 AM
Thanks for the replies everyone. I will bear those thoughts in mind. Hopefully this will pass.

Themaster - did we? I might have forgotten, but the point is this feels different to where I might've been before. More apathetic.

My username doesn't spring from Galactica! Everyone thinks it does, but they're wrong :tongue:

I hope you feel much better soon.

I know the popular saying is happiness is found inside, but I think happiness is on the outside as well, and to be happy inside means going out and doing things that make you feel happy too.

NightSpirit
12-05-2011, 10:23 AM
Hi all

I seem to have fallen into a dark place where I can't find my spiritual joy anymore. I've had periods of disconnection before but this seems more than that...it's a feeling of not caring/bothering. I can normally find comfort in an inspirational quote no matter how awful I feel, but right now I can't. They just make me angry because they come from a place that just doesn't resonate with me right now.

I'm having a few powerful dreams (nice ones) that are registering on some level so I believe I'm supported by spirit. I'm seeing vivid lights in meditation and out, my room is lit up with particles at night etc. Those things are wonderful and I love seeing them. I don't know why I feel so low.

It's as if I can't find my meaning even though I'm aware this is part of a bigger picture. I feel both bored and stuck in life. I'm ill and want to get better so I can live life, but this has never been an issue before due to my spiritual beliefs and ability to find meaning in my circumstances. I have more freedom to get well due to my disabled son going to his dad's longer. Things should be much easier than they have been for years, but they are not.

I also feel lost in the longing for childhood needs to be met, even though the past is done. I only have the future yet I live in longing to change what has already happened.

I need to let go I guess, but that isn't want I want. I'm aware on some level I must WANT to be stuck like this as otherwise I wouldn't be. It fills some sort of angry, sad need.

It's as if I'm pushing everything good away. I don't want to...but on some level maybe I do?

But the stuck feeling is well and truly real. I do feel panicky about the future and lost in longing for the past. The present isn't wonderful either. I'm grieving for someone lost, hurting over my son and my ill health. But whereas before I could see the joy in the sunrise or the flowers in my garden, or as I said a beautiful quote, now I simply can't.

Any help or thoughts appreciated.

No..you don't have the future...only the present. Right now is what its all about because you only have each moment.

Apart from depression ( I gather your experiencing some?)...what does it matter if you don't feel like moving out of your own way right now? No biggie. Do what you have to do and accept that whatever you choose is okay and needed for you right now. Don't shard on yourself all the time. When your ready, you will be recharged and willing to move on again. Enjoy the moment girl for thats all you have.

:smile:

themaster
12-05-2011, 10:37 AM
Okay, let me try again..
But the stuck feeling is well and truly real. I do feel panicky about the future and lost in longing for the past. The present isn't wonderful either. I'm grieving for someone lost, hurting over my son and my ill health. But whereas before I could see the joy in the sunrise or the flowers in my garden, or as I said a beautiful quote, now I simply can't.

Any help or thoughts appreciated.Your supposed to be lost! That's on purpose.. it's only getting more so than before.. the goal to change the game requires losing memories or attention points.. even feeling lost.. :confused:

Your just going to swing in and out for the next few years.. till the directional energy kicks in..

3rd dimension is very rigid.. did you hear me RIGID? :D

There are so many belief structures focused in lack/negative that to dissassemble that's gonna take some work.. and goody-good... joy-joy feelings aren't a guarrenteed 100% daily thing..

The simple things you can do when lost is.. ground, say "hello" to spirit if you can.. :D And just let it pull you through.. that's about all I can recommend.. I mean, I'm lost.. but I don't complain about it.. I just go with the flow..

In fact the best thing to do is.. understand that all of us our in a river of energy.. it's pushing us towards "heaven on earth" but many of us get stuck for two reasons :D

1. We hit a block and we don't know how to clear it..

2. We are trying to swim upstream (do it the hard way!) when it's so much easier to float..

Whether you hit a block.. are swimming upstream.. or are just in a eddy.. about to be pushed back into the current.. do what's best for you in all cases.. and get as happy as you can.. because life sucks when you complain about misery and then you become miserable.. (attention creates)

Better? :smile:

sound
12-05-2011, 11:02 AM
Hi Starbuck ... my response is a little out there but i just wrote what came to me ok ...
What was revealed for me as i read what you are sharing is that you have been graced with some new 'space' for yourself, which is perhaps being consumed by some unresolved issues you have not been able to prioritize up till now due to your dedication and commitment to your son. Maybe it is timely to allow deep seated issues to surface and explore those thoughts and feelings which are attached to them. Maybe your inner self is telling you it is safe to do that now ... safe to turn your focus toward yourself. Any murkiness which is stirred up will soon settle and with that, the clarity you have been seeking perhaps? Allow your new space to be filled with whatever is needed, knowing that change is already 'in place' ... much peace to you either way Starbuck :hug3:






It's as if I can't find my meaning even though I'm aware this is part of a bigger picture. I feel both bored and stuck in life. I'm ill and want to get better so I can live life, but this has never been an issue before due to my spiritual beliefs and ability to find meaning in my circumstances. I have more freedom to get well due to my disabled son going to his dad's longer. Things should be much easier than they have been for years, but they are not.

I also feel lost in the longing for childhood needs to be met, even though the past is done. I only have the future yet I live in longing to change what has already happened.


Any help or thoughts appreciated.

Emmalevine
12-05-2011, 11:04 AM
Thank you for all the lovely replies. Will reply in more depth later when things are straighter in my head, but I do appreciate them.

Topaz
12-05-2011, 11:09 AM
Fantastic advice . Starbuck just go with the flow, be gentle on yourself and relax. Big hugs xx

in progress
12-05-2011, 04:18 PM
It's a natural part of the process and it cycles. You get a bump in vibration. It feels good then more stuff comes to the surface that needs addressing. Each bump up leads to more clearing but it gets easier eventually (so I understand, haven't experienced it yet).

Someone else just posted a thread on spiritual apathy recently:
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=15575

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:09 AM
No..you don't have the future...only the present. Right now is what its all about because you only have each moment.

Apart from depression ( I gather your experiencing some?)...what does it matter if you don't feel like moving out of your own way right now? No biggie. Do what you have to do and accept that whatever you choose is okay and needed for you right now. Don't shard on yourself all the time. When your ready, you will be recharged and willing to move on again. Enjoy the moment girl for thats all you have.

:smile:

Good point about the present, I got lost in time.

I guess it's depression - not really sure. I do fall into these apathetic states (this is the worst one in a while) but they don't last very long (usually). So it could be depression, maybe not.

Thanks for your reassuring words.

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:10 AM
I hope you feel much better soon.

I know the popular saying is happiness is found inside, but I think happiness is on the outside as well, and to be happy inside means going out and doing things that make you feel happy too.
Thank you.

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:11 AM
Okay, let me try again..Your supposed to be lost! That's on purpose.. it's only getting more so than before.. the goal to change the game requires losing memories or attention points.. even feeling lost.. :confused:

Your just going to swing in and out for the next few years.. till the directional energy kicks in..

3rd dimension is very rigid.. did you hear me RIGID? :D

There are so many belief structures focused in lack/negative that to dissassemble that's gonna take some work.. and goody-good... joy-joy feelings aren't a guarrenteed 100% daily thing..

The simple things you can do when lost is.. ground, say "hello" to spirit if you can.. :D And just let it pull you through.. that's about all I can recommend.. I mean, I'm lost.. but I don't complain about it.. I just go with the flow..

In fact the best thing to do is.. understand that all of us our in a river of energy.. it's pushing us towards "heaven on earth" but many of us get stuck for two reasons :D

1. We hit a block and we don't know how to clear it..

2. We are trying to swim upstream (do it the hard way!) when it's so much easier to float..

Whether you hit a block.. are swimming upstream.. or are just in a eddy.. about to be pushed back into the current.. do what's best for you in all cases.. and get as happy as you can.. because life sucks when you complain about misery and then you become miserable.. (attention creates)

Better? :smile:
Ansolutely yes I can see where you're coming from. You words are very grounding. I also know that attention creates what I'm trying to avoid...haha.

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:13 AM
Hi Starbuck ... my response is a little out there but i just wrote what came to me ok ...
What was revealed for me as i read what you are sharing is that you have been graced with some new 'space' for yourself, which is perhaps being consumed by some unresolved issues you have not been able to prioritize up till now due to your dedication and commitment to your son. Maybe it is timely to allow deep seated issues to surface and explore those thoughts and feelings which are attached to them. Maybe your inner self is telling you it is safe to do that now ... safe to turn your focus toward yourself. Any murkiness which is stirred up will soon settle and with that, the clarity you have been seeking perhaps? Allow your new space to be filled with whatever is needed, knowing that change is already 'in place' ... much peace to you either way Starbuck :hug3:

Thanks Sound. You know, you may have hit on it there. My life has been so taken up by - I have to say stress - for years, and now suddenly it is easier, but I feel at a loss by the freedom. It's hard. Yes maybe it is a time to address the deeper issues. I thought I had done, but it seems not. Maybe it's another layer of the onion, as it were. Thank you for your help. :hug3:

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:13 AM
Fantastic advice . Starbuck just go with the flow, be gentle on yourself and relax. Big hugs xx

Thank you Topaz.

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 08:14 AM
It's a natural part of the process and it cycles. You get a bump in vibration. It feels good then more stuff comes to the surface that needs addressing. Each bump up leads to more clearing but it gets easier eventually (so I understand, haven't experienced it yet).

Someone else just posted a thread on spiritual apathy recently:
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=15575 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fredir.php%3Flink%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww .spiritualforums.com%252Fvb%252Fshowthread.php%253 Ft%253D15575)
Thanks Progress and thanks for the thread, will take a look.

Gem
13-05-2011, 01:58 PM
I have a cool quote from my main man here.


Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.


Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/n/nhat_hanh.html#ixzz1MEzUmP2E

Emmalevine
13-05-2011, 05:03 PM
Great quote Gem thanks.

I will have a look at your link.

Interestingly, I woke up this morning with Buddy Holly's True Love Ways playing in my head. Rather apt I thought.

gentledove
13-05-2011, 05:21 PM
Hi all

I seem to have fallen into a dark place where I can't find my spiritual joy anymore. I've had periods of disconnection before but this seems more than that...it's a feeling of not caring/bothering. I can normally find comfort in an inspirational quote no matter how awful I feel, but right now I can't. They just make me angry because they come from a place that just doesn't resonate with me right now.

I'm having a few powerful dreams (nice ones) that are registering on some level so I believe I'm supported by spirit. I'm seeing vivid lights in meditation and out, my room is lit up with particles at night etc. Those things are wonderful and I love seeing them. I don't know why I feel so low.

It's as if I can't find my meaning even though I'm aware this is part of a bigger picture. I feel both bored and stuck in life. I'm ill and want to get better so I can live life, but this has never been an issue before due to my spiritual beliefs and ability to find meaning in my circumstances. I have more freedom to get well due to my disabled son going to his dad's longer. Things should be much easier than they have been for years, but they are not.

I also feel lost in the longing for childhood needs to be met, even though the past is done. I only have the future yet I live in longing to change what has already happened.

I need to let go I guess, but that isn't want I want. I'm aware on some level I must WANT to be stuck like this as otherwise I wouldn't be. It fills some sort of angry, sad need.

It's as if I'm pushing everything good away. I don't want to...but on some level maybe I do?

But the stuck feeling is well and truly real. I do feel panicky about the future and lost in longing for the past. The present isn't wonderful either. I'm grieving for someone lost, hurting over my son and my ill health. But whereas before I could see the joy in the sunrise or the flowers in my garden, or as I said a beautiful quote, now I simply can't.

Any help or thoughts appreciated.


Ah gosh, big hug to you!:hug2: Sometimes old sayings do come in handy though and the one that comes to my mind is "this too shall pass". I think we're here to help one another cope through times like these, "dark nights of the soul". You're not blaming anyone for your trials, which is sweet...maybe you can take that next step and not blame yourself too? Your situation is difficult, you're kinda caught in limbo for a time. I think you're handling it well. I will send powerful intentions into the benevolent universe that you'll see your way/path clearly into your next adventure.=)