PDA

View Full Version : advice needed


kumar
11-04-2011, 06:30 PM
i am a new member and my name is Kumar G. i am not sure whether this is the correct section to post this topic or not , please forgive me if it is not or move this post to a correct section if you can.

Coming to the topic ,since my childhood i never believed in god but being born to Hindu parents i was forced to pray Hindu gods. I was always used to question everything and try to find out the logics whether it is a small or big thing and i hate to hurt others even the small insects , but i hurted (teased ) some people by the influence or when i was around some other guys ( may be mirror neurons)

I used to love and eat lot of non-veg and i am an alcohol addict during my college( when i used to live with some other guys). but when i started living alone, i started getting thoughts of why i was drinking alcohol and felt like some force is pulling me away from alcohol . I did lot of research on what alcohol does to human body and after some inner conflicts and struggle , i started meditation .
After some days i gave up alcohol , i am still occasionally drinking 1 0r 2 beers when i meet my friends but don't have that inner craving for alcohol and the Surprising thing is i lost the craving for non-veg too. Is this because of some spirit guide ?? because i know lot of my friends trying to quit alcohol since so many days but they are unable to do it .I don't know how i lost the craving for alcohol and non-veg in a short span.

I am talking to one girl since 4 years. i used to have a crush on her and i like her a lot. she broke with her boy friend as he is completely money minded and he is trying to marry another rich girl. I helped her to come out of that emotional break up and after sometime she asked me to marry her.
I agree that i like her and i am sure that she as a perfect match to me.
But i don't want to marry her , some how i don't want to get into that regular life of marriage ,kids, money struggle ,family responsibility. I am not sure what to tell her now?

I am working as a full time software developer. I am always hungry for work and i used to complete the work given to me and look for more work.
i can feel my inner voice which always wants to achieve and do more and more (multiple things like learning multiple languages and multiple softwares)
I feel like i am not properly using my inner energy and i m not sure what to do with inner energy. i always feel the tickle at the third eye and sometimes i feel like something is pulling me into my body and making me feel my chakras.

I just want to share this with somebody who has higher spiritual understanding than me . please advice me. Thanks for your time.

bbr
11-04-2011, 06:35 PM
I just want to share this with somebody who has higher spiritual understanding than me . please advice me. Thanks for your time.Hi kumar. I'd say you don't necessarily need spiritual advice, you just need someone to talk to and share some of your thoughts with.

bbr
11-04-2011, 06:39 PM
I am talking to one girl since 4 years. i used to have a crush on her and i like her a lot. she broke with her boy friend as he is completely money minded and he is trying to marry another rich girl. I helped her to come out of that emotional break up and after sometime she asked me to marry her.

I agree that i like her and i am sure that she as a perfect match to me.
But i don't want to marry her , some how i don't want to get into that regular life of marriage ,kids, money struggle ,family responsibility. I am not sure what to tell her now?Why not start here? Is this someone you feel you can talk to and share your thoughts with? Why not develop a friendship with her? Is she open to being your friend first, before any talk of marriage, etc?

kumar
11-04-2011, 06:43 PM
yup she is my friend since 3 years.

bbr
11-04-2011, 06:50 PM
yup she is my friend since 3 years.Okay, so do you speak to her about all that you posted above? And what does she say, and is she able to provide you with feedback that helps you answer some of these questions?

kumar
11-04-2011, 06:58 PM
Okay, so do you speak to her about all that you posted above? And what does she say, and is she able to provide you with feedback that helps you answer some of these questions?

I never spoke to her about these issues. I think i am in a confused state . How old are you ? bbr what are thoughts about marriage ?:confused:

bbr
11-04-2011, 07:07 PM
I never spoke to her about these issues. I think i am in a confused state . How old are you ? bbr what are thoughts about marriage ?:confused:I'm 56, married once (never again!), divorced, and now have a wonderful person and partner in my life. My simple belief is that we have to be able to share everything with our partner, otherwise it's not much of a relationship. But I got lucky in that I met someone who I honor and love with all my heart. So it makes it easy to talk and share things. That wasn't the case with my first marriage, and what I learned is to wait until you're absolutely sure you've met your true love. Then get married or live together (or have two separate places), it makes no difference at that point. The relationship is the thing, not the living particulars.

kumar
11-04-2011, 07:12 PM
I'm 56, married once (never again!), divorced, and now have a wonderful person and partner in my life. My simple belief is that we have to be able to share everything with our partner, otherwise it's not much of a relationship. But I got lucky in that I met someone who I honor and love with all my heart. So it makes it easy to talk and share things. That wasn't the case with my first marriage, and what I learned is to wait until you're absolutely sure you've met your true love. Then get married or live together (or have two separate places), it makes no difference at that point. The relationship is the thing, not the living particulars.


Thanks for sharing this . I will try to talk to her.

bbr
11-04-2011, 07:20 PM
Thanks for sharing this . I will try to talk to her.Good stuff. Now, about your alcohol, non-veg comments:

I quit drinking and smoking over the years, along with eating meat, dairy, breads, processed foods and stimulants like coffee. In each case, my body knew it was time to quit, long before I made the decision. I would start feeling sick after eating bread, for example. A few months later, I just made the decision to stop eating bread altogether. The thing is, when I finally quit something, I was always able to quit for good. I never drank or smoked again. I didn't have urge any longer.

You ask if that has to do with a spirit guide. I would personally call it your higher spirit self, guiding you and helping you make important life decisions. Once we tap into that process, and allow that process to help us with our life decisions, we're capable of anything really.

kumar
11-04-2011, 07:33 PM
Good stuff. Now, about your alcohol, non-veg comments:

I quit drinking and smoking over the years, along with eating meat, dairy, breads, processed foods and stimulants like coffee. In each case, my body knew it was time to quit, long before I made the decision. I would start feeling sick after eating bread, for example. A few months later, I just made the decision to stop eating bread altogether. The thing is, when I finally quit something, I was always able to quit for good. I never drink or smoke again. I didn't have urge any longer.

You ask if that has to do with a spirit guide. I would personally call it your higher spirit self, guiding you and helping you make important life decisions. Once we tap into that process, and allow that process to help us with our life decisions, we're capable of anything really.


Higher spirit self this make more sense than spirit guides. That feeling of losing that urge is like a miracle to me. Thanks again

bbr
11-04-2011, 07:39 PM
That feeling of losing that urge is like a miracle to me.Yes, that's it exactly, kumar. "Miracle" is the word I've used many times to describe that process. Like everything, if you've experienced it yourself, you're already well on the way to developing a deeper understanding of it.

bbr
11-04-2011, 07:51 PM
Higher spirit self this make more sense than spirit guides.Yes, and I would suggest your "hunger" as you describe it to excel and achieve at the work you do, also has to do with your higher spirit self, inspiring you to be that ideal person you and each one of us longs to be. I often experienced that higher spirit when I was writing and performing music years ago. Songs and musical tunes would come to me from out of nowhere. A miraculous, magical process for sure.

kumar
11-04-2011, 07:51 PM
yes in the same way i always get thoughts that my higher self and inner energy of my body wants to me to do something in my life other than the marriage,kids life. Hope i will find out that something soon :)

Lot of times i tried thinking of leading a normal married life but some how my thought process never energized that thought.

bbr
11-04-2011, 08:03 PM
Lot of times i tried thinking of leading a normal married life but some how my thought process never energized that thought.Perhaps you and your friend could discuss what sort of relationship you'd each be comfortable with at this point in your lives. Seems like an appropriate and healthy dialogue to have.

kumar
11-04-2011, 08:06 PM
her parents are forcing her to marry , so there are no only 2 choices for me 1) to marry her or let her marry somebody .

bbr
11-04-2011, 08:20 PM
her parents are forcing her to marry , so there are no only 2 choices for me 1) to marry her or let her marry somebody .I wondering if there were cultural aspects to the questions you were dealing with kumar, but I didn't want to assume. That's a tough one. I have a question and a comment. First, do you feel it's your responsibility to involve yourself in their family dynamics, and if so, why? Also, I have a kind of code I have lived by for many years. Simply put, if it doesn't feel 100% right for me, I don't do it and I let it go. Maybe not the best bit of advice under the circumstances, but then again maybe simplicity is what's needed here. This is about your life and future happiness, and hers as well.

kumar
11-04-2011, 08:35 PM
nope, i don't feel any kind of responsibility or urge to involve in their family.

Even i use this 100% rule sometimes . I think i got the answer.

Thank you very much :) :)

bbr
11-04-2011, 08:39 PM
You're welcome kumar, nice talking with you.

athribiristan
11-04-2011, 09:05 PM
yup she is my friend since 3 years.


A word here....just becuase you marry this girl doesn't mean you have to have that 'standard' life with the 2.5 kids, 2 cars, and .75 dogs. Marry her or don't, but don't let that dictate how you live your life. I guess what I'm saying is don't accept anyone else's definition of what married life is supposed to be.

HBuck72
11-04-2011, 09:17 PM
My advice would be to find our who "you: truly are. From your original post it seems that you may be conflicted on just who you are. You mentioned teasing other, and being addicted to alcohol, while you were living with other guys, this may mean that you have insecurity issues and are feeding off the approval of others, which means you may need to work on yourself for awhile. I would recommend digging into your phsyce in order to find who you truly are and find a balance that works for you.

Also, just because you get married does not mean that you get in some sort of rut. Being married does not mean you have to have kids, a mortgage, etc. If you love this woman, be open and honest with your feelings regarding marriage. Then follow your heart, on whether or not to get married.

kumar
12-04-2011, 03:29 PM
this may mean that you have insecurity issues and are feeding off the approval of others, which means you may need to work on yourself for awhile. I would recommend digging into your phsyce in order to find who you truly are and find a balance that works for you.



I never looked at me from this angle . I will definitely work on this thanks HBuck :cool:

bbr
12-04-2011, 03:53 PM
Marry her or don't, but don't let that dictate how you live your life. I guess what I'm saying is don't accept anyone else's definition of what married life is supposed to be.I wonder how realistic that is though. It's not just one person's life and what they want to do with it. Marriage involves two individuals who are entering into an agreement to create a life together. If anything, I would say a problem with marriage today is that people in relationships are too focused on themselves, and not on their partner's needs and desires. And if someone isn't ready to make that level of commitment to the other, then marriage is a non-option.