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Shivani Devi
09-08-2019, 08:45 AM
Every fortnight I go and see a psychologist..I have been doing so for the past three months...because the Government requires an assessment.

Today, she gave me a handout to read, with the words "I would like you to read this and be very honest with me about what you think about it".

Here is that handout:

Mindfulness Handout 1A - What is Mindfulness?
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcS_80idA5wTd0ThwIMn25e5FP8MIsl S8DtvGAyrd6i7SKqyeSHD

My reply:

Shivani: "Honestly? If myself or another were to ever become fully proficient in these skills according to that definition, they would attain Enlightenment...Nirvana".

Psychologist: "I personally believe that Enlightenment is overrated".

Shivani: "What makes you say so?"

Psychologist: "Being able to react to what is right and wrong, negative or positive is what gives variety and spice to life...having total equanimity would be so boring".

Shivani: "If each of us perceives reality differently, how would you ever really know what is "right" or "wrong"..."positive" or "negative"...it would only be what YOU experience and why should that even matter in the greater scheme of things?"

Psychologist: "Do you tend to over-rationalise EVERYTHING like this?"

Shivani: "Pretty much".

Psychologist: "That is very interesting...and typical of Asperger's Disorder..tell me, are you aware of your own thoughts?"

Shivani: "Yes, every single one of them".

Psychologist: "We are speaking about Mindfulness here...so tell me, what is it that is mindful of your thoughts?"

Shivani: "Is that a rhetorical question, or do you really expect me to answer that?"

Psychologist: "Humour me"

Shivani: "Consciousness/Soul/God...that which cannot be named".

Psychologist: "I understand now...you have fully internalised your awareness at the expense of your external reality...both need to be balanced and brought into harmony...into unity (Yoga).

Shivani: "Pretty much, but how do I DO that, when I know there is no "internal" and "external" either, but I still need to exist in this world? At least you are starting to understand this now...why I come and see you every fortnight".

Psychologist: "You don't really need a Psychologist...what you need to find is a genuine Spiritual Master...a Guru to help you out with this one...but come and see me after two weeks anyway...and practice being mindful of EXTERNAL things and not INTERNAL ones"...*gives me a new colouring book full of owls*

Shivani: "Oh wow..a new colouring book..thanks! I have almost finished my Mandala one".

Unseeking Seeker
09-08-2019, 10:59 AM
***

As a saving grace at least you did not tell the psychologist that the spiritual master is already present within! :biggrin:

***

Legrand
09-08-2019, 11:02 PM
Hello Shivani,

You didn't tell her your where seing spiritual beings and could talk to them, that you can also communicate with the dead, see other worlds, have memories of past lives and even get a hint of what will come in the futur.

Wonder what she would have responded, smile!

Aethera
10-08-2019, 01:12 AM
That was a nice read~

Shivani Devi
10-08-2019, 02:20 AM
Hello Shivani,

You didn't tell her your where seing spiritual beings and could talk to them, that you can also communicate with the dead, see other worlds, have memories of past lives and even get a hint of what will come in the futur.

Wonder what she would have responded, smile!
LOL...all of that is pretty much on a "need to know" basis. :D

Thank you all for the replies and I appreciate it.

Shivani Devi
06-09-2019, 09:43 AM
Well, after four months of fortnightly visits to the psychologist, numerous personality tests, facial recognition tests, spacial and cognitive tests, MRI brain imaging, genetic testing, role playing scenarios and what have you, today all the results came in:

Autism/Asperger's Disorder - 40%
Anxiety Disorder - 40%
Major Depressive Illness - 60%
Bi-Polar Disorder - 40%
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - 100%
Schizoaffective Disorder - 100%
Avoidant Personality Disorder -100%
Anti-Social Personality Disorder -100%
Borderline Personality Disorder - 80%
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 80%

So, she goes..."I have some news for you...it has been confirmed by all the test results and my colleagues...it is unlikely that all these results indicate Autism or Asperger's Disorder...what it does strongly indicate is that you have Schizophrenia...and that will be my final diagnosis".

Aaww..shoot! and I thought my clairaudience and channeling abilities had something to do with spirituality and being "psychic" until I learned that believing one is psychic is one of the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia.

Yes, I eventually had to tell her about the whole "I hear dead people" thing because she asked me if I did...I then asked her if Zack Bagans from Ghost Adventures would also be schizophrenic because he does EVP work too.

However the main criteria was not being able to make any sense of the world around me and believing that people, for the most part are stupid.

I mean, she really got me there.

Ah well, so much for spirituality when it was just insanity ALL along!

NoOne
06-09-2019, 10:10 AM
Gosh, that's funny. It's a good thing I never went to see psychiatrist or they would have locked me away for a long time. If all else fails, we can always become psych-ward buddies. Maybe even roomies?

Shivani Devi
06-09-2019, 10:46 AM
Gosh, that's funny. It's a good thing I never went to see psychiatrist or they would have locked me away for a long time. If all else fails, we can always become psych-ward buddies. Maybe even roomies?
It is actually quite ironic.

Today, she asked me about all of my spiritual experiences and I began answering her by saying "have you ever heard about Kundalini?"

She goes "nope, can't say I ever have".

Yeah, typical...

So then I say "have you heard about the chakras then?"

and she goes "yeah, I know what chakras are".

It never ceases to amaze me how everyone knows what chakras are, but nobody knows what Kundalini is.

So, I explained it all to her...told her about Dr. Stanislav Grof and the whole "spiritual emergency" and "Dark Night of the Soul" thing.

She seemed to lose interest very quickly..I mean, these were all just the nonsensical ramblings of a schizophrenic anyway. LOL

To be honest my "roomie", there is a serious lacking of education among health care professionals when it comes to psychospiritual disorders of the brain and nervous system.

However, all was not totally lost because she loaned me a book about Rumi..

Also, every member on my father's side of the family are all as nutty as a fruit cake and when I explained my diagnosis of schizophrenia to my family and how I have all the inherited genetic markers for the illness, the penny finally dropped with them and they were forced to confront these issues which they all have been sweeping under the rug for about 4 generations (that I know of) and there was a degree of acceptance and relief regarding my diagnosis..

I found that to be quite liberating.

NoOne
06-09-2019, 11:14 AM
It is actually quite ironic.

Today, she asked me about all of my spiritual experiences and I began answering her by saying "have you ever heard about Kundalini?"

She goes "nope, can't say I ever have".

Yeah, typical...

So then I say "have you heard about the chakras then?"

and she goes "yeah, I know what chakras are".

It never ceases to amaze me how everyone knows what chakras are, but nobody knows what Kundalini is.

So, I explained it all to her...told her about Dr. Stanislav Grof and the whole "spiritual emergency" and "Dark Night of the Soul" thing.

She seemed to lose interest very quickly..I mean, these were all just the nonsensical ramblings of a schizophrenic anyway. LOL

To be honest my "roomie", there is a serious lacking of education among health care professionals when it comes to psychospiritual disorders of the brain and nervous system.

However, all was not totally lost because she loaned me a book about Rumi..

Also, every member on my father's side of the family are all as nutty as a fruit cake and when I explained my diagnosis of schizophrenia to my family and how I have all the inherited genetic markers for the illness, the penny finally dropped with them and they were forced to confront these issues which they all have been sweeping under the rug for about 4 generations (that I know of) and there was a degree of acceptance and relief regarding my diagnosis..

I found that to be quite liberating.

You can't really handle spiritual emergencies, if you deny that there is a spiritual side to life and the universe. That is the big issue that psychiatry and neuroscience face right now. Sure, neurons and the psyche are important, but so is the spirit. I am fairly certain that a good chunk of people who are considered mentally ill are actually suffering from spiritual ailments, therefore the remedy to their problems must also be, by necessity, spiritual.

As you know I also suffered from Neurological and Psychological issues as a result of my Kundalini activation. It took close to 7 years to learn to overcome them and adjust. In the initial period, it was really quite bad, though at least I got some divine help. I could have easily ended up in a psych ward back then, the symptoms were that bad.

The issue of genetic predisposition to both mental illness and spirituality is quite interesting. I suspect the two are connected and just two sides of the same coin.

Shivani Devi
06-09-2019, 11:29 AM
...and now, my "schizophrenia" is kicking into overdrive.

My psychologist loaned me a book called "Rumi - A Bridge to the Soul".

She asked me if I knew who Rumi was and I said "yes, of course".

So, apart from the spelling difference, there isn't much phonetic difference between "Rumi" and "roomie" am I right?

One of the questions my psychologist asked me:

"Do you ever get messages in songs or in books which you believe is especially talking to you?"

I said:

"Of course I do...ALL the time - do you know what a synchronicity is? Have you ever studied Carl Jung? What do you know about the collective unconscious?"

She goes "no, can't say I have ever studied any of Jung's work"

"Some psychologist" I thought...

I mean, I myself received my Dip Psych back in 2002 at the South Western Sydney Institute of Technology and Further Education, majoring in Community Services...more irony.

However, she said "I will take that as a "yes" for the purpose of this DSM 5 final assessment criteria for schizophrenia.

Then she said "do you suffer from delusions?" To wit and which I replied "if I was actually aware of being delusional, then I wouldn't qualify as being delusional, would I?"

So she said "that would be another 'yes'.

The whole thing was a joke...albeit a very educational and informative one.

I hope others are also learning things through my personal experience.

NoOne
06-09-2019, 12:12 PM
I had a classmate called Rumi...

Just another synchronicity, I suppose. Seeing synchronicities everywhere is apparently another sign of mental illness. Or, being spiritually awakened. Take your pick. I'm beginning to think there is but a fine line separating them.

Yes, your adventures with the psychology racket are quite instructive. I never bothered to go see one, but I imagine my sessions would have gone something like this. For One, I have a god-complex. How can you NOT have one, when you've experienced what it means to be infinite and all-knowing, even if only briefly?

Shivani Devi
06-09-2019, 12:52 PM
I had a classmate called Rumi...

Just another synchronicity, I suppose. Seeing synchronicities everywhere is apparently another sign of mental illness. Or, being spiritually awakened. Take your pick. I'm beginning to think there is but a fine line separating them.

Yes, your adventures with the psychology racket are quite instructive. I never bothered to go see one, but I imagine my sessions would have gone something like this. For One, I have a god-complex. How can you NOT have one, when you've experienced what it means to be infinite and all-knowing, even if only briefly?
Interestingly, she did ask me if I had a god-complex and that was one question I really had to think about before answering.

I decided to be honest, as I had been with every question that she asked me, even at the risk of getting labelled without any adhesive.

How can one NOT have a god-complex when you (and I) have experienced what it means to be infinite and all knowing?

When that experience is tempered with humility, awe and reverence, so you cannot really "own" it.

So I simply replied that I do not have a god-complex because my ego would never allow it to happen.

She seemed to be very relieved by that answer.

Legrand
07-09-2019, 06:19 PM
Interestingly, she did ask me if I had a god-complex and that was one question I really had to think about before answering.

I decided to be honest, as I had been with every question that she asked me, even at the risk of getting labelled without any adhesive.

How can one NOT have a god-complex when you (and I) have experienced what it means to be infinite and all knowing?

When that experience is tempered with humility, awe and reverence, so you cannot really "own" it.

So I simply replied that I do not have a god-complex because my ego would never allow it to happen.

She seemed to be very relieved by that answer.

Like I already said Shivani,

You are an incarnation of the Goddess to me and won't admit it :smile:

Enjoy!