View Full Version : healing from abuse

01-03-2011, 04:09 AM
[ Sorry if this is in the wrong section, if it is feel free to move it to where it should be! ]

So I've been spouting bits of my story here and there in my posts, but lately I feel a lack of support and I don't really have anyone to talk to.. and I could really use someone..

After an almost two year journey with my Twin Flame, I'm left with a broken heart, broken/burned bridges and friendships that are hanging on by a thread. Basically, my TF and I were not ready to meet each other, much less attempt a serious relationship.. and although I am infinitely grateful for having spent both the happy and painful times I did with him, I am left with energetic scars and beautiful--as well as ugly--memories that have been rendering me drained and depressed.

It was your average abusive relationship, I guess. Attempting to shun me from family and friends [ especially males, and I grew up with three brothers and my dad--mom works two jobs and has been absent from my life for the most part--so naturally, I get along better with guys ], 'forcing' me to change to be who he wanted me to be [ it wasn't that I wasn't allowed to have an opinion, but any I had were invalid or ridiculous if they didn't agree with his.. I wanted him to love me and accept me so I changed my views for him ], playing many mind games that I was aware of but played along anyway so he would accept me, and just before I ended it, things were starting to escalate from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. He never hit me, but he began grabbing me and pushing me around. Needless to say, I was starting to become terrified of him. It got to the point where I was so scared to meet up with him [ and we saw each other pretty much every day ] but I was already so attached to him that I couldn't stand to not see him.

Well, those are the ugly memories. The beautiful memories have always and will always touch my heart. Before we started dating, I was going through a lot of things with my family and my boyfriend at the time. He was the one who came over and sat with me, listening to me for hours and hours on end.. some days two hours, some days six hours, some even close to eight hours non stop. Some days, I'd call him and he'd be doing something and he'd drop it and come straight to me. Some days, someone would call him to meet up and he'd decline just to stay with me. He always went out of his way for me and I love and appreciate him forever for doing so. He was my best, closest friend.

Of course, everything changes and you just have to go with the flow else you get tired and eventually even drown! So here I am.. trying to go with the flow. He and I have mutually decided to separate from each other to go about our own paths. It was a very difficult thing to do, and it's been challenging since.

Well.. I don't know what else to say. I hope to heal from this, and quickly! Because I'm starting to get impatient with myself for moping around so much.

11-03-2011, 08:45 PM
I hope to heal from this, and quickly!Are you spending every day following your joy and bliss?

If you are.. your healing!

Hesitation.. means no! :D

I would, if I were you.. let the past be the past.. let go of those negative memories and if you can hold unconditional love for this aspect of you.. another twin flame is sure to pop up if you can do that! :D

12-03-2011, 05:11 AM
Nalini... An excellent method for healing painful emotions and patterns is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. This uses acupressure points along with affirming statements and works so well it is truly amazing. It's the How of 'let the past be the past' and go ahead in a new way.

There's a brief article about it at: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D4478)


12-03-2011, 06:00 AM
Yeah these kinds of things are really really sad and being heartbroken is hard to endure, you have to be kind to yourself you know. Maybe try Xan's technique... and my mum says getting a haircut always helps.

16-03-2011, 03:13 PM
Hi Nalini, I am Bill, new to the forums, if you contact me I will talk with you and help you to heal yourself. Blessings Bill

26-03-2011, 12:38 AM
Hi Nalini,

I am sorry to see you in such pain. "...lately I feel a lack of support and I don't really have anyone to talk to.. and I could really use someone.." Perseverance will open the doors you need to listen to. My mouth dropped while reading your story -- I am currently, today, going through about 90% of what you are. I know you are raw, confused, hurt, sad and many many other emotions.

This might sound cliche, but I have been taught over the years that the most painful situations we endure are those we learn the most from and emerge with a strength and courage and understanding of ourselves we never knew we had.

I am especially grateful that Bill offered to help you through what I know is agonizing.

Sending you healing prayers for your pain and healing prayers for your soul.

always grateful,


26-03-2011, 12:41 AM
Hi Nalini, I am Bill, new to the forums, if you contact me I will talk with you and help you to heal yourself. Blessings Bill


I was so happy to see you offer Nalini help.

May I be so bold as to ask for your assistance in healing myself. I am in the exact same position and would be extremely grateful for your suggestions.

grateful always

26-03-2011, 02:29 PM

I'm so sorry for all your pain and sorrow. It sounds like you have been through quite a hard time, as of late.

Healing from any form of abuse is a unique individual journey that takes time, patience, a lot of inner-listening and work. Unfortunately, no one can heal you but yourself -- and I urge you, Nalini, to remember that. You are in a vulnerable place, it seems to me, right now, and there will be people who try to enter your life and take advantage of you/potentially hurt you more. This does not mean that you should close yourself off to all others. It only means to be very aware of your own vulnerabilities and the unfortunate truth that some people in the world will (whether consciously or sub consciously) try to take advantage of that. YOU hold the ultimate power where you are concerned, where your healing is concerned. Don’t ever forget that.

At the points we feel most weak, are the points we are usually most strong.

You will heal in time if you allow yourself the freedom to be one with yourself. This healing takes a lot of inner-listening, inner-work, patience. If you focus not just on the path to healing, but enjoy the journey, too -- you will get there. One step each day. You can: Read, read, read (daily affirmation books are great)! Become your own best friend. Hone a talent you have (poetry, painting, dance, etc.). Take a class (these are usually arts-based classes) designed to help people who have been through trauma and/or abuse (for example, the city nearest me has a place for people who have been abused/raped/traumatized in a manner as to cause low-body image where they can go for dance-therapy classes). Support groups may offer great information, support, and hope -- just keep going to them until you find one that you feel comfortable with. The possibilities are endless and I’ve just listed a few, here -- but you have the freedom to pick that which you think will be best for you on your individual journey of healing and hope.

You may also want to look at long-standing patterns in the long-term relationships in your life. This may give you insight into the relationships (romantic or otherwise) that you find yourself in as an adult.

I agree with what themaster said about following your joy and bliss. I have found that to be one of the foundations of my growth and healing, as well. There is MUCH to be said about focusing on the positives and what our heart feels is right for us, no matter how many negatives might surround us. I've been in some very dark times. It took a lot of patience and struggle to learn to find/latch onto the positives during those time to ride through the negatives.

I also agree with what truthseeker57 said about perseverance and about emerging from painful situations.

I’d like to touch further on that last point, actually. That strength, courage and understanding that truthseeker57 talks about is hiding inside you, right now. Your soul may be in hiding. It may not feel it is safe to come out, right now. But it is peeking… So dig deep inside to find that strength, courage and understanding (and determination) and let it be the back up your soul needs to eventually re-emerge.

Healing was and is a daily struggle in growth for me. It began several years ago, for me, and it continues to this day. Indeed, it will probably continue for a long time. But it is different for each person. And I enjoy the journey. The time isn’t the major factor, it is the JOURNEY. Have fun with it. Like I mentioned above, you might love to take a class or focus on a talent you have. Reading the literature can be fun, too. There are so many options, but each will give you a little extra something and a little extra push along your way to healthiness and happiness.

These are all just my thoughts, of course. You follow your own joy/bliss, like themaster mentioned. I wish you the very best. :hug2:

29-03-2011, 11:02 AM
hi Nalini - thank you for sharing your story - you have had a rough time...

when you have had enough suffering with this one - you will be ready for the next and the next and the next... lol

are we not mere serial monogamists with these relationship things - lol

do we not pull the very people we eventually discover are the opposite of what we thought we wanted...

do we not learn more about ourselves every time we dance the dance of love and passions both good and not so good...

should we not learn from our past mistakes - seems not... lol

we are human after all - and we desire having fun...

is not love and lust and discovery of another soul fun even the hard bits...

the parts we do not want the parts we reject when we are experiencing them...

and then latter in hindsight once enough distance is created from the pain we see how much we needed to go down that crazy path because we needed the lessons...

is life not just a series of lessons as we cycle through cycle after cycle - lol

doesn't it feel good when we can finnally put away the dust of a past relationship and move on from the suffering we love to hold on to so much...lol

don't we love suffering so much we go out and rebound on to another lover only to discover he or she is not the one...lol

then we keep doing it over and over again... we do love the suffering...

so while you are in your suffering you may want to pat yourself on the back because the suffering is just another moment of fun... lol

go well and suffer well...