Feeling bad and guilty

[Azmond]

Well I just had an experience a few minutes ago, that left me feeling guilty and in a state where I am going through and through how I should have reacted totally differently, but in that moment it did not occur to me at all, which I find completely bizarre now that I had a moment o think.

I am not sure if any of you experience this, or if such a thing is common in your countries, but where I live there is a sort of disguised begging, or asking for help, in a form of going from doors to doors selling some item usually at a very high price compared to what it is in the store. Usually people that do that, are a Romani people, gypsies, and most often then not are quickly dismissed, which is bad and sad as well, but it is often no different to how someone might quickly dismiss a homeless guy begging on the street. There is generally huge amount of distrust and nonacceptance towards people that do that. Going more into this I think is pointless because such things are heavily rooted in cultural and social constructs and one has to try very hard on its own to change away from the norm and develop his or hers own attitude towards such problems. Its all too easy to just look away...

In any case, a girl and a mother rang at my door and said they are selling something. The girl proceeded to explain the situation, but in my head all I could think was, oh what is this all about, just tell me quickly, what are you selling. I am not a person who would not help another in a bad situation, but when it comes to a situation like this, I was raised to react in such a manner, because everyone else did the same thing. It does not happen too often to challenge our behaviour so we tend to react the same each time. Same as when people call you on your phone and ask if they could do a quick survey with you. Nobody really likes them and only on some occasion you agree, but more often than not, the moment you hear them talking on the phone what it is all about, you already say to yourself, oh for pete's sake why me.

Anyways the poor girl was trying to explain something about her situation and was probably already in a bad position being forced to do that. It was like watching a bad salesmen trying to sell a product, but very unsuccessfully getting the point across on why you should buy it, so in the end you have no idea what he wants. This amplified with my egoistic and self centred thinking how oh, I really don't like this encounters, ended up with me not really hearing her out at all! Because I knew she was selling something, I asked her, how much they are charging for it, and it was really overpriced and I thought to myself well I don't need this at all so I cant buy this. I said sorry, they said thank you and went away...

And then when I went back into the house, it hit me, what a stupid, egoistic, automatically reacting robotic like creature I am. Why was I so focused on what they are trying to sell to me, instead of hearing the girl out, what is wrong and what they need the money for?? The fact is, that well I don't actually have any money to spare, I could have given her probably 2 euros, which is nothing at all, but I could still give that away. There are even other ways if they need help, I could tell them about setting up a fund at a bank, or online fundraiser, which are really popular right now, and many people actually helps all around the world. I would be prepared to even set this up, if they didn't know about that, or how to, but none of that occurred to me at that moment.

I reacted completely automatically, how I learned to react as a child, already feeling guilty at the start because I knew I will not give them anything, because hey, I have no idea who you are and if you are trying to scam me. Plus nobody likes people that come to beg on your doorstep so go away..

Where in fact, I could have done so much more, maybe a lot more then just giving the money to them, if I just took some time to listen and open my heart and mind. I am quite angry now and sad, because I know better, and I am not like most of people that ignore people in need. As a teenager already I had no trouble talking with homeless people when they initiated the conversation on occasion, and my friend would watch me with bewilderment and sometimes even disgust. Not long ago, I sat down by a couple of homeless, and gave them some tobacco when they asked if I had any and we talked and smoked a cigarette together. And yet, I completely faild someone in need just a moment ago.

When I realised how wrong my reaction was, i started talking to myself like a mad man, going through the convo, and how I should have said this and that and ask them, what is wrong, instead of being focused on what they are selling, but alas it is too late now. I just hope they meet more reasonable people. And I hope I get another chance to break out of this inhuman reaction that is plaguing our culture.

I wonder, what experience with such things do you have, and how do you all react? How do you feel in such experiences? Not when there is a call for help on tv or radio for lets say certain family, but when you encounter individuals begging, or trying to sell something. Not sure if- going from door to door and selling- form of begging is present everywhere?

[Baile]

And I hope I get another chance to break out of this inhuman reaction that is plaguing our culture.Awareness is 50% of the resolution. You're half way there already. A mother and daughter came around last Christmas selling home-made wreaths. The wreaths were expensive but you're right... poor people in a bad situation, forced to do what they don't really want to be doing. That's all I was thinking about. So of course I bought one.

And now you know. It was a learning experience. I say it all the time: failure isn't failure, it's a teaching opportunity for next time.

[Lorelyen]

Sounds like you've learned a valuable lesson. Awareness of being a puppet to one's upbringing and conditioning is valuable indeed.

♥

[baro-san]

... I wonder, what experience with such things do you have, and how do you all react? How do you feel in such experiences? Not when there is a call for help on tv or radio for lets say certain family, but when you encounter individuals begging, or trying to sell something. Not sure if- going from door to door and selling- form of begging is present everywhere?
Browsing your story I wondered if they where really people in need, or professional beggars. It is more likely to believe a professional than a person in need, because they're professionals.

I recall an incident when 2 people stopped me in the middle of a department store to tell me their sad story about having to sell some of their goods to get money to travel back home. I pulled my wallet to pay for something, when suddenly somebody shouted "police!", a quick push and pull followed, and I found myself alone with the wallet in my hand. A few minutes later, an afterthought crossed my mind, I pulled out my wallet again: most of my cash was gone. They were ... professionals.

[keokutah]

The best antidote to guilt is an apology, or making amends.

You need to take responsibility for your reactions, but you also need to be aware of what the other people did wrong. Then you will find that your reaction may not be completely wrong given the situation.
Because a) it's not morally ethical to rip people off by selling overpriced items
b) you have no idea if they are truly in need of help, you are just assuming that.

Maybe you could have given them some food. But I would never give beggars money, lest they spend it on booze or drugs.

My town in Canada is also full of beggars and homeless people, plus I was homeless and an alcoholic at one point, so I knew a lot of homeless people and drunks.

The real homeless people I've met never beg for money, it's true. They are some of the most down to earth people I've ever met, and even if you offer them money or food they'll refuse it. They will buy you lunch with what little money they've collected just to treat you to something. They often choose a life of homelessness because they enjoy it (and they don't live on the street, they actually live on the outskirts of town in tents in the woods) and they often have many family members and friends that love them and would do anything to try and support them, but they refuse that support and choose to continue living the way they live. I have a really old homeless friend that just can't stand living indoors or around people, he absolutely adores his life in his tent. He lives quite a ways out of town and never brings anyone back to where he lives because he is very protective over it (plus it's illegal) and only comes around to town once in awhile because of that.
There are many homeless people like him, they are all very nice people and they would usually give you the clothes off their backs, before they take anything from you, because they know what it's like to live with nothing. True homelessness really makes you grateful for what little things you have, I've been there.

But unfortunately, you rarely see these kinds of homeless people begging in town. The beggars are always just drunks and druggies in disguise as homeless people.

The truth is the majority of them aren't homeless and they make way more money than you and I. I knew people like this.

I knew one guy who made literally thousands in just a few hours just by pan handling on a really busy street side. People gave him 5 to 20 dollars each because he had a good sob story. He wasn't even homeless, he lived in a mansion. This is a true story. He had a really good paying job but did the pan handling on the side to support his drug addiction.

I know a lot of guys like that... They just pretend to be homeless.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

from my perspective, guilt is a non-valid energy that doesn't belong within
the human experience. you have not sinned against God Azmond,
and thus there is no valid source for you to experience guilt (except as
provided to you by yourself, via the ego). if you had sinned, you'd cease
to be (as "the wages of sin are death"); God provides "validation energy",
and that energy cannot validate your denials of holiness.
through your experience you've realized how you are (still) living in a
'separate reality' from your true nature [as a creature born divine]...
you've not committed yourself into living out your heart's truths 100%;
you have 'conditioned' responses (from societal forces) informing you
of who and what you are to some extent.

there were other possibilities in play for the situation you've described.
aside from purchasing something you had no need of, you might have
offered those visitors some food or somesuch. at any rate, they don't
seem to have been inconvenienced by your not making a purchase
(your guilt is truly unfounded).

[Baile]

from my perspective, guilt is a non-valid energy that doesn't belong within
the human experience. you have not sinned against God Azmond,
and thus there is no valid source for you to experience guilt (except as
provided to you by yourself, via the ego).Feelings of guilt are a very human thing. It's like feeling sad, or feeling embarrassed. As long as it's not something one dwells on and obsesses over, then it's not a ego thing at all. These are feelings that tell us some kind of self-correcting is necessary. If I do something I know is absolutely wrong and especially if it hurts someone, then I hope I end up feeling guilty about it. That tells me I'm human and that I have a beating heart.

[Azmond]

You all made truly great comments and thank you all!

@Baile @Lorelyen Yes I am happy that at least I got to stop and think later, and to acknowledge that my reaction was a heavily conditioned one. No matter who those people were, I could have reacted more to what my rue self feels like and offer other help. Maybe they could use a talk an some other option to help them instead of selling door to door.

@baro-san @keokutah That is just the thing as well. I have met a lot of people that were begging professionally, and were even organised in bigger groups. While I was working at the pump station there was a women begging for change outside, and after some time, a group came in a car and before they picked her up, they all stepped out and started counting money. They looked more like organised drug users though but well hey... I also remember some old person, that came every morning to the station asking for a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vine on a tab, which I was allowed to give him. After 5 hours he would return from the city with a pocket full of coins and would pay for cigarettes and bottle. He would easily "earn" 30 euros, about 33 dollars in about 5 hours while begging, where I was getting paid about 32 euros for 8 hours of work, so I really felt cheap some time. He was a good person though and I respected him, so I was a bit sad when he passed away. The thing is it is hard to say when you are being scammed by professional or when you are indeed talking to someone in need. And people that have decided to take advantage of other generosity and empathy made things just worse. I guess the best thing is to always remember to be good person first, and to work from the heart.

I really enjoyed reading about your experiences with homeless people, and I agree with you about how they are. Most I meet are heartwarming and good people. As a teenager I had a chat with one on a cold winter's night that affected me positively for a long time.

@H:O:R:A:C:E Thank you. I started loving your comments from some reason whenever I come across you posting somewhere. Well put.

[Baile]

Maybe they could use a talk an some other option to help them instead of selling door to door.But why, if that's what they do? Analyzing what they choose to do, isn't what the experience was about.

I used to have Jehovahs come round. I would always invite them in and we'd sit and chat. I am as anti-religious as they come, but rather than focusing on their beliefs, which I had no real interest in, I would use it as an opportunity to see them, to share in their humanness.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Feelings of guilt are a very human thing. It's like feeling sad, or feeling embarrassed. As long as it's not something one dwells on and obsesses over, then it's not a ego thing at all. These are feelings that tell us some kind of self-correcting is necessary. If I do something I know is absolutely wrong and especially if it hurts someone, then I hope I end up feeling guilty about it. That tells me I'm human and that I have a beating heart.
i believe that you are human, and that you have a beating heart. ;)
if you were to narrow your focus, and shrink the gap between "if" and "then",
the consequences of your actions would approach instantaneous. in such
circumstances, how could you conceive of performing some deed which you
"know is absolutely wrong"? i submit that all people, at all times, only perform
actions which (for whatever reasons) they believe are just [or justified], true,
and the best available option perceived at the time. with those intentions, no
deeds can accurately be proclaimed as 'sinful'. i submit that God does not
perceive sin as residing within humans, and thus all guilt is a result of 'ungodly'
perceptions (meaning ego supplied in this instance).
mistakes are possible, and these are often observed as a failure of bodies
to perform according to a desired standard (such as launching an airball),
but the (spiritual) intentions are never to fail [i believe].

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

@Azmond gratitude :smile:

[Baile]

if you were to narrow your focus, and shrink the gap between "if" and "then",
the consequences of your actions would approach instantaneous.Of course, this is the secret. This is what one learns over years and decades and lifetimes. This is soul wisdom.

But until then, feelings of guilt are how the individual learns to see which of their actions require self-correcting.

[Shivani Devi]

One day, a while ago now I met with a beggar in the street who was asking for money...he said that he hadn't eaten in days, was starving and needed $5 to buy a burger and a coke.

I was like "there's a Maccas across the road there, how 'bout we go and I'll buy a burger and coke for you?"

Yeah, he then told me to 'eff off'.

From that day on, if people need my help, I will help them. If they want me to do something, I will do it...but I will never give another person money for anything.

...and I don't feel guilty about it either, because my time, caring and concern means much more than just handing over $5 or $10 or whatever the case may be.

If salespeople or beggars come to my door, I tell the truth "look mate, I'm pretty poor here too, so you're preaching to the choir...I'm so sorry".

[shoni7510]

I don't usually give money to beggars in the street and we don't have beggers who come from door to door where I live. I don't feel guilty about not giving to beggars. Ocassionally I give clothes to needy people that I know and it goes a long way.

[Snow Goose]

I was in my local City Centre one day walking along with my two young children one was in a buggy, a man walked in front of me and asked for money he said he was hungry and hadn't eaten, he was clearly a drinker had seen him about before and could smell it on his breath, I felt that him approaching a mother and children in the way he did very wrong but I put my hand in my pocket and gave him the couple of pounds assuming he would go and buy some booze with it.

10 minutes later I seen him eating some hot food he had bought from a local bakers and this made me smile, will never forget that day. Haven't seem him since.

I have chatted with homeless people in the street before and the stories you hear are well worth a listen, you would be amazed at the impact you can make on another just by showing some compassion.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Of course, this is the secret. This is what one learns over years and decades and lifetimes. This is soul wisdom.

But until then, feelings of guilt are how the individual learns to see which of their actions require self-correcting.

piffle.
such learning can be accomplished within 10 seconds of contemplation.
knowledge that seeking harm has the consequence of causing damage
to oneself isn't a process that requires any time at all; it's evident.
there's no benefit, as i see it, to delaying such knowledge.
to heal: first, do no harm.
:smile:

to retain guilt is to prevent/block joy from entering;
God does not supply the guilt, and there's no value
in holding onto it. [self] forgiveness is the remedy.

[Michelle11]

You are also conditioned to think you are supposed to give to the poor, that is why you feel guilty for blowing the mother/daughter off. You didn't do anything wrong by not making a purchase and would not have done anything wrong had you given them money for their over priced goods even if it was a scam. Explore the guilt you are feeling because it may be backing you into a corner about right/wrong behavior that can cause you to look down on yourself for being human.

[Baile]

piffle.
such learning can be accomplished within 10 seconds of contemplation.
Now that you've learned it, yeah... easy as pie! Always easy after the fact. It's before the fact that these understandings take time to grok. Go tell someone who is wracked with guilt, that they can stop feeling guilty by simply shrinking the gap between "if" and "then." See what their response is. :wink:

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Now that you've learned it, yeah... easy as pie! Always easy after the fact. It's before the fact that these understandings take time to grok. Go tell someone who is wracked with guilt, that they can stop feeling guilty by simply shrinking the gap between "if" and "then." See what their response is. :wink:

it's fine to do a review of one's actions, and see how things progressed due
to those choices... but from what position is that review being done? if the
ego is in charge, it might be looking for a reason that a person has a 'bad
feeling', and find some fault to pin it on, and then justify the bad feeling as
something appropriate to have and hold onto. that kind of exercise isn't
designed to bring relief -- it's geared towards placing an injury in an
inaccessible location (the past is gone) where it cannot be addressed and
cured; it serves the agenda of ego by keeping it's host unhealthy and
dependent on it.
the past is a construction of the imagination. the ego would like you to
believe that some of your essence is located there, lost to you, as a means
to keep you "humble" [meaning disempowered] and in service to it.