Heart based and head based communication

[RedEmbers]

How can I effectively communicate with others in a head based society as someone who is heart based?

I've fairly recently made the switch Lol... so to speak... but I find that now that I am more open I am also more misunderstood.

I often feel as though I'm speaking a different language and my motives are being mis-read by others.

I'm also still quite new to heart based communication... it must take alot more listening then I realise?
And a different kind of listening. I admit I am not so good at listening.

The problem is I always feel the words or think I feel the intent behind the words but don't always understand the word's themselves. People put word's over there true intent... I find it confusing.

[naturesflow]

There is heart based listening from within your own heart. But there is also heart based listening that is "inclusive" of the whole movement that you are engaged in with others as they are, that listens from there. If your in feeling mode feeling others, rather than clear feeling and present with what is, allowing it to take you to a deeper place in yourself, naturally the more clear you feel amongst other ways of relating, the more easily you learn to find yourself more clearly and relate more freely as you.

Where you focus is where you are. One can be "aware" of others and still dive deep into their own "preferred" place of relating and be ok being themselves.

It sounds to me your getting entangled in others as they are, losing the ability to let others as they are, ground you deeper into the place of your own true self that listens more complete and is ok in feeling and relating regardless.

If you re read your post you will find your on conflict in the post itself. Your feeling mis read, your reading others and feeling them and not listening to the content more freely as it is.


I hope you don't mind me sharing this. But I feel your conflict when you share posts. I am aware of you, but I listen and don't let that interfere with myself responding more aware and open to what is. I accept you as you are and just listen to more through my own depth of listening that doesn't need to focus on that, but go deeper and know I have something to offer and share to what is before me. Some people would feel your conflict and respond to that as they are. Some people are not aware and observing and accepting of that, they feel that and turn away or feel confused by your presence in this way, which could lead to them mis "reading" your intent.

I do trust myself in this way all the same so I speak and share as I am.

[naturesflow]

The only intent you can focus on is really your own. The more you feel others and know and understand them and where they are coming from, the more you immerse deeper into your own relating with the intent you wish to express and share as you. I am just open and be myself with intent to listen and relate to others, inclusive of listening and relating to myself.

Recently I was in discussions with a really intelligent head based thinker who was completely out of "feeling" mode. He is a professor of philosophy, but in my clear head space and mind without conditioned ideas of him, he very clearly showed me his way of relating, how he processors and where he relates from. The "old" me would have been overwhelmed and confused by this kind of relating. But the new me aware and open and being myself comfortably actually accepted him and we had a wonderful exchange and deep discussions in a shared and beautiful space with two very different people finding sameness. :)

[Starman]

At work we use our public persona which means talking from our head, as most people in the public arena does.
But in our private lives and personal relationships we can associate and express from a more heart based communication.
It might help to look at it from a perspective of culture; publicly we adhere to the culture at large but privately we
embrace our own preferred culture. Leading with your heart can, in many public situations, make you very vulnerable
in this world so you have to be careful to protect your heart.

We are all multi-cultural, or at least bi-cultural, as most people behave differently in their work culture than they do in
their home or personal life. "Culture" is how we have chosen to grow ourselves, and it also involves how we communicate.
People who do not speak English have to learn English if they want to succeed in an English speaking culture. But we
have got to make some sacrifices, especially in the workplace where a certain type of communication may be expected from you.
In our private lives we can choose who we want to associate with, and we can associate with those who are sensitive
towards the way which we communicate.

[naturesflow]

At work we use our public persona which means talking from our head, as most people in the public arena does.
But in our private lives and personal relationships we can associate and express from a more heart based communication.
It might help to look at it from a perspective of culture; publicly we adhere to the culture at large but privately we
embrace our own preferred culture. Leading with your heart can, in many public situations, make you very vulnerable
in this world so you have to be careful to protect your heart.

We are all multi-cultural, or at least bi-cultural, as most people behave differently in their work culture than they do in
their home or personal life. "Culture" is how we have chosen to grow ourselves, and it also involves how we communicate.
People who do not speak English have to learn English if they want to to succeed in an English speaking culture. But we
have got to make some sacrifices, especially in the workplace where a certain type of communication is expected from you.
In our private lives we can choose who we want to associate with, and we can associate with those who are sensitive
towards the way which we communicate.

Hello starman.

I learned through my own protection of my own heart that at some point that protective wall was seeking to fall away and merge and integrate me deeper into myself, so that my true and more grounded self, doesn't require me to isolate and interpret, but just be and know I know what I need and find it most naturally more open to be as I need to be. So in some ways what your sharing is the capacity of self as I see it more complete that moves itself more truthfully with what is. So the listening is about listening not only to yourself but to what is showing you as itself

I believe the new earth energy currently moving us all deeper is about learning to just be true to self everywhere we are, not change and pattern ourselves to suit the environment. The whole self moves as itself more open and aware of itself complete, so head, heart, emotions, mind all integrate and move open and less contained by ideas of itself and how it should be, and more open to how it can be complete.

[RedEmbers]

Hi NaturesFlow.

I admit that I often have a bit of trouble interpreting your replies... they force me to understand from a place that I am unfamiliar with.


I feel as though you are saying that in order to listen to others and relate to them from their own space I must be very aware of my own inner space.

Practically speaking I need to become more fully aware of myself.
I'm unsure what to do from this space of awareness though and how to navigate open communications with others.
Partly I am fearful of being manipulated or tricked which as I write this I realise is a symptom of not trusting myself fully... this also leads to some of the defensiveness... conflict I think you may have touched on... although I sense there is much more to your words that I currently understand.
So...

When listening I need to be both centred and aware of myself as well as present with the one I am communicating with.

One thing I have discovered is that I am preffering to say less in my communications but am unsure how saying less will be interpreted.
What I notice on those rare occasions where I have really heard others is that I have nothing to offer the conversation other than acknowledgment.
I could always ask them to clarify or rephrase what they have said to make sure I have recived the message properly... when I have done this in the past though some people have become defensive, I think it may feel as though I am giving them the third-degree.

Other times I find that when people press me for more of a reaction I often don't actually know what I think about it all... I've heard the words and felt an energy around the words but haven't yet formed a personal view on it yet. Often people want an answer straight away but I have to really sit with things first in order to get a feel for them.

I'd actually like to start practicing some tecniques to help me from move from this space into a more effective communication space... but am unsure what that entails... other than taking a good and honest look in the mirror.

[RedEmbers]

Hi NaturesFlow.

I admit that I often have a bit of trouble interpreting your replies... they force me to understand from a place that I am unfamiliar with.


I feel as though you are saying that in order to listen to others and relate to them from their own space I must be very aware of my own inner space.

Practically speaking I need to become more fully aware of myself.
I'm unsure what to do from this space of awareness though and how to navigate open communications with others.
Partly I am fearful of being manipulated or tricked which as I write this I realise is a symptom of not trusting myself fully... this also leads to some of the defensiveness... conflict I think you may have touched on... although I sense there is much more to your words that I currently understand.
So...

When listening I need to be both centred and aware of myself as well as present with the one I am communicating with.

I also need to be more aware of my defenses and how they are affecting communication.

One thing I have discovered is that I am preffering to say less in my communications but am unsure how saying less will be interpreted.
What I notice on those rare occasions where I have really heard others is that I have nothing to offer the conversation other than acknowledgment.
I could always ask them to clarify or rephrase what they have said to make sure I have recived the message properly... when I have done this in the past though some people have become defensive, I think it may feel as though I am giving them the third-degree.

Other times I find that when people press me for more of a reaction I often don't actually know what I think about it all... I've heard the words and felt an energy around the words but haven't yet formed a personal view on it yet. Often people want an answer straight away but I have to really sit with things first in order to get a feel for them.

I'd actually like to start practicing some tecniques to help me from move from this space into a more effective communication space... but am unsure what that entails... other than taking a good and honest look in the mirror.

[Starman]

..........

[Starman]

Hello starman.

I learned through my own protection of my own heart that at some point that protective wall was seeking to fall away and merge and integrate me deeper into myself, so that my true and more grounded self, doesn't require me to isolate and interpret, but just be and know I know what I need and find it most naturally more open to be as I need to be. So in some ways what your sharing is the capacity of self as I see it more complete that moves itself more truthfully with what is. So the listening is about listening not only to yourself but to what is showing you as itself

I believe the new earth energy currently moving us all deeper is about learning to just be true to self everywhere we are, not change and pattern ourselves to suit the environment. The whole self moves as itself more open and aware of itself complete, so head, heart, emotions, mind all integrate and move open and less contained by ideas of itself and how it should be, and more open to how it can be complete.While this is all well and good, a person can get fired from their job if they don't communicate the way the boss thinks that they should; some jobs are stricter about this than others. So if I am being paid to communicate as an intellectual and I don't display those type of skills then that is not the right environment for me and I most likely will be terminated from that job.

P.S. A Philosophy Professor is of a certain culture and a Business Professor would be of a different culture, most business schools do not teach anything from the heart. I was a University professor myself, and used to be very top heavy, that is to say intellectual, but I had to transit to my heart because my head only allowed me to hide from my heart. I did learn that I can not let my head rob me of the experience that is in my heart.

[RedEmbers]

The only intent you can focus on is really your own. The more you feel others and know and understand them and where they are coming from, the more you immerse deeper into your own relating with the intent you wish to express and share as you. I am just open and be myself with intent to listen and relate to others, inclusive of listening and relating to myself.

Recently I was in discussions with a really intelligent head based thinker who was completely out of "feeling" mode. He is a professor of philosophy, but in my clear head space and mind without conditioned ideas of him, he very clearly showed me his way of relating, how he processors and where he relates from. The "old" me would have been overwhelmed and confused by this kind of relating. But the new me aware and open and being myself comfortably actually accepted him and we had a wonderful exchange and deep discussions in a shared and beautiful space with two very different people finding sameness. :)

That sharing with the professor sounds lovely. I really liked how you mentioned being led by his communication style - I think there is something in that!

[naturesflow]

Hi NaturesFlow.

I admit that I often have a bit of trouble interpreting your replies... they force me to understand from a place that I am unfamiliar with.

Yes, I am aware you do and I appreciate you expressing this openly to bring yourself into the picture of that and what I am sharing. It allows me to understand you deeper in your relating also.


I feel as though you are saying that in order to listen to others and relate to them from their own space I must be very aware of my own inner space.

Yes. You become the vessel of listening so the more open and clear you are in yourself, the more open you will be to others more clearly as they are.

[QUOTE]Practically speaking I need to become more fully aware of myself.
I'm unsure what to do from this space of awareness though and how to navigate open communications with others.

Yes which simply means reflecting upon the struggles you are faced with externally in your relating. This can be very helpful to simply allow you to go deeper in yourself and notice more of you not aware of itself listening.
Partly I am fearful of being manipulated or tricked which as I write this I realise is a symptom of not trusting myself fully... this also leads to some of the defensiveness... conflict I think you may have touched on... although I sense there is much more to your words that I currently understand.
So...

Your fear is valid and fear can be a very real wound that protects itself to manage and survive in this world. As you grow and seek more for yourself, those fears will be shaken and stirred to let them go. It is great you opened up your fear so honestly, because you are now aware there could be more within all this to understand for yourself.

When listening I need to be both centred and aware of myself as well as present with the one I am communicating with.

Yes. The more grounded you are in yourself, the more aware you can be of others in this way. If you are holding in fears, those fears will reflect and can interfere with your focus. They move you away from the fullness of the shared space and your own presence.

One thing I have discovered is that I am preffering to say less in my communications but am unsure how saying less will be interpreted.
What I notice on those rare occasions where I have really heard others is that I have nothing to offer the conversation other than acknowledgment.
I could always ask them to clarify or rephrase what they have said to make sure I have recived the message properly... when I have done this in the past though some people have become defensive, I think it may feel as though I am giving them the third-degree.

I understand this. Less can be determined as "not being" present and aware. But less can be very present and very aware. People interpret through their own self as they are. It is the nature of others projecting outwardly as they see and feel. If you have nothing to say, you may just have nothing to say. I think you have to be ok with how you are in situations as you are in this way. Sometimes we don't have anything to offer, sometimes we only need to listen and let others speak. Sometimes I listen to people and get so tired, I go play with the animals or children..lol. I just listen and trust myself, don't have any expectations on myself or others and move myself as I want too. I think what you conveying is that you need to just be ok with yourself any way you are and need to be. Being ok being you and letting people think what they want to think about you as you are..:wink: I don't worry about what others think now. I used too. God I was painfully hooked in this way.

Other times I find that when people press me for more of a reaction I often don't actually know what I think about it all... I've heard the words and felt an energy around the words but haven't yet formed a personal view on it yet. Often people want an answer straight away but I have to really sit with things first in order to get a feel for them.

That is part of your being you and your unique way of processing and being. Sound perfectly fine to me. People pressing you can learn a lot from that modelling :wink:

I'd actually like to start practicing some tecniques to help me from move from this space into a more effective communication space... but am unsure what that entails... other than taking a good and honest look in the mirror.

Reading through this sharing from you, I feel it in you already. So perhaps it is only when you doubt yourself that the doubt moves you away from what you are already revealing through this very articulate and open expression. When I stopped doubting myself, I actually allowed for my true self to arise and blend and be most comfortably..

[naturesflow]

While this is all well and good, a person can get fired from their job if they don't communicate the way the boss thinks that they should; some jobs are stricter about this than others. So if I am being paid to communicate as an intellectual and I don't display those type of skills then that is not the right environment for me and I most likely will be terminated from that job.


My true self is not contained by others, it listens to itself. I listen to myself and I listen to the movement of my life and where I am guided to move too. I guess you still are contained in this way of the external system in you. If I am true to myself and I am fired, no doubt I will find something more suitable to that point of awareness I am modelling. Life is like that. I let go and open, life serves me with more that matches my awareness and needs. Fear has so many triggers in and of itself tied to the system. That is very apparent. I learned the hard way, to learn the easier way of living and being more true to myself complete with a life to match me.

P.S. A Philosophy Professor is of a certain culture and a Business Professor would be of a different culture, most business schools do not teach anything from the heart. I was a University professor myself, and used to be very top heavy, that is to say intellectual, but I had to transit to my heart because my head only allowed me to hide from my heart. I did learn that I can not let my head rob me of the experience that is in my heart.

Be the change you wish to see
Live the life you wish to be
Be the life and change and see..anything is possible.

[Starman]

My true self is not contained by others, it listens to itself. I listen to myself and I listen to the movement of my life and where I am guided to move too. I guess you still are contained in this way of the external system in you. I am retired, do not work, and are not contained by anything; I am footloose and fancy free, but I am also sensitive to others who are in the work-a-day
world and what they may be experiencing; which seems you are not.

If I am true to myself and I am fired, no doubt I will find something more suitable to that point of awareness I am modelling. Life is like that.
I let go and open, life serves me with more that matches my awareness and needs. Fear has so many triggers in and of itself tied to the system.
That is very apparent. I learned the hard way, to learn the easier way of living and being more true to myself complete with a life to match me. Good for you but that is not what others may want. Some people like their jobs and will sacrifice for it.

It seems you want to make this about you, but this is not about you or me; it is about people in this world and how they communicate, and the
different cultures which people move in and out of. If you want to personalize it that's your business but as far as I'm concerned nothing is personal.
If it is as you say then the world would be a different place then it currently is, but it is not; some may display that greater awareness but it seems
most do not! It is as has been already said because I too sometimes have a bit of trouble interpreting your replies.

[naturesflow]

I am retired, do not work, and are not contained by anything; I am footloose and fancy free, but I am also sensitive to others who are in the work-a-day
world and what they may be experiencing; which seems you are not.

Good for you but that is not what others may want. Some people like their jobs and will sacrifice for it.

It seems you want to make this about you, but this is not about you or me; it is about people in this world and how they communicate, and the
different cultures which people move in and out of. If you want to personalize it that's your business but as far as I'm concerned nothing is personal.
If it is as you say then the world would be a different place then it currently is, but it is not; some may display that greater awareness but it seems
most do not! It is as has been already said because I too sometimes have a bit of trouble interpreting your replies.


I am not here to judge you as lacking or not being what you are..I am more grounded in myself and my awareness of what each present moment offers and how I choose to respond accepts what is. So my sensitivity knows if I were to make this post above about me like you needed to for you against me, I would not be modelling my own sensitive aware presence deeper. But I am aware so I have no need too.

Sensitivity is open to what is more readily and feels that... So I don't react like this as your showing. I am more consciously aware of myself and how I move and relate to others in each moment. The bigger picture of sensitivity is already in me, but the inter related moments that bring me back to another, are more consciously aware and so I would never use language to determine that I know how sensitive another is or whether they are lacking in it.. If I am modelling the whole I would not assume lack. I would move as that complete. And I do and if I fail I reconcile myself.

I speak from my own perspective because I am not others, I am myself. So even as I am aware of others, I don't need to speak for them. They can speak for themselves if they are here engaging and sharing in this space. If they were I would be very conscious of them, aware of them and sensitive to them.

Right now the sensitive nature of your own admissions shows me that you are sensitive to the bigger picture, but you post in all honesty is not showing sensitivity of itself, more reactiveness. But that is just my opinion, I am not holding you to this as part of being aware of you and being sensitive in my response to you.

[Starman]

Originally Posted by naturesflow
"I guess you still are contained in this way of the external system in you."
This is a judgement call, and a personal attack. If I say I guess you are unconscious, and then say "I am not here to judge you," it is like trying to have it both ways.
I do not want to continue this conversation with you because I do not find it to be genuine; and there is nothing to be gained by pursuing this further; so goodbye!

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by naturesflow
"I guess you still are contained in this way of the external system in you."
This is a judgement call, and a personal attack. If I say I guess you are unconscious, and then say "I am not here to judge you," it is like trying to have it both ways.
I do not want to continue this conversation with you because I do not find it to be genuine; and there is nothing to be gained by pursuing this further; so goodbye!



Your feelings are valid as are your judgment calls against me. I accept your need to remove yourself.

[naturesflow]

That sharing with the professor sounds lovely. I really liked how you mentioned being led by his communication style - I think there is something in that!

It was red embers, I found the key ingredient that allowed for the flow on in conversation was his/our willingness to remain open to what arose. Sometimes I noticed things arise in me in the moment of our relating but I didn't react, close off or turn away, I simply listened deeper and let that external view move me deeper to more, to notice more, to not contain myself in that way. In the end he shared with me that he was surprised I could articulate as I could. I think sometimes the lived experience of what another reflects as their "learning" can bring about that sameness that can be overlooked, if one is contained. I was open to learn of his knowledge, he was open to learn of my experiences. It is interesting that when you are comfortable and sharing openly, not reacting and holding onto things, how wonderful the shared connection can be. When two people are open to move through the shared space deeper and not run from it, it can elevate itself to a greater understanding, simply because one is willing to let go and not contain the other. Not make the other be caught up as being wrong or right. Just attentive and open to what is.

When you guess what another might be expressing as I learned here with my own error in saying so with Starman, it can cause a backlash that is unnecessary but sometimes necessary so I actually notice more in myself relating and become more conscious of that shared space. I am conscious of myself being mindful around others in this way, but sometimes a little subtle thread will arise and then naturally their blowout reflects as it does, because I have picked up on something in them unexpressed and then BOOM, the whole thing pours out at me. So really in reflection I can be mindful of my own presence not to guess what others mean, but rather ask and be open for more understanding. Of course people will choose whether to push through, with you, I usually do, I don't give up on people. But sometimes they choose not too, which is fine too.

The head can rule the heart in this space of reconciliation of itself. But I personally let my heart lead instead, because my head will always believe what it is telling itself. Where as the heart opened, aware and sensitive to others, will be more consciously aware of its own personalized thinking.

Speaking from the I am, I feel, will confuse others if they themselves are not clear in ways to express themselves more openly and freely. They may assume you should be relating in others ways of you being you. But ultimately it all begins with personal responsibility first and foremost and modelling what you are more complete that then lends itself to genuine expression more free of containments in and of itself. That way I accept others as they are.

[Visitor]

...The problem is I always feel the words or think I feel the intent behind the words but don't always understand the word's themselves. People put word's over there true intent... I find it confusing.
Hello RedEmbers.
I simply find that people are either fearful (mostly in a subtle way) or loving.
If they are loving, they are listening, truthful, soft and gentle. They are patient, allowing, and forgiving. Unfortunately there are not too many like that.
If they are fearful, well it seems as if they are in a battle with other peoples egos. Struggling to be seen as worthy company.

Fear causes people to avoid their true purpose in a conversation, that is, to be validated. So to cover this up they become deceptive by using stories about people, places, things, and situations.

A truthful person only speaks what is true. Since it is best to speak the truth when asked to speak, one often becomes quiet and still, even amongst friends.

[naturesflow]

Hello RedEmbers.
I simply find that people are either fearful (mostly in a subtle way) or loving.
If they are loving, they are listening, truthful, soft and gentle. They are patient, allowing, and forgiving. Unfortunately there are not too many like that.

That is lovely and its a nice reminder for me to develop a deeper awareness of others in this way of my own listening.

[Lorelyen]

It's a matter of balance and feeling yourself to be whole with the flexibility to
adjust (without getting bureaucratic about it, like not thinking "what must I
do here, what boxes to tick?) There are times when your head should lead
and times when your heart leads. It's a question of which keeps watch over
the other to achieve that balance. A matter of the heart and your head keeps
watch over you and vice versa. The heart starts running away with you and
the head starts raising its eyebrows and giving warnings.

As for communicating - this embraces problems because it's a far more complex
process than people think. Often, here, members grasp at fragments (of the process) but don't seem to
see the whole. In my education it was suggested that words only
count for 7% of human communication - the rest is body language, tone of
voice, presentation, context...quite a few things.

Easy to understand:
you meet someone whose language you can't speak but it's usually
easy to establish whether you or the other person is hostile, is sad, happy
etc., hand-gestures, postures can go a long way to making friends...or enemies.

So, let your head advise you - you needn't take any notice but it's wise to listen!
And in matters more head-based let your heart take the whole of the person
and situation into account sort of thing. Hope that makes sense!


♥

[RedEmbers]

Hmmm!

I realise that my last miscommunication was somewhat expected.

I deliberately avoided going out with my husbands family for an easter break - I enjoy their company but there was one (non realitive) attending who I know has a style of communication likely to cause conflict for myself and other's, especially if you are not feeling strong and balanced in yourself.
I was working through alot of things over the weekend... letting some heavy stuff go and experimenting with a new reality. I realise now also how much I have been operating from a place of unreleased trauma... being aware of all of this I thought it best to stay at home and do some purging.

My quiet weekend came to an end though when a family visitor arrived with his own personal baggage and agenda.
So neither of us were up to an open heart to heart.
I should have acknowledged this earlier but I am really only becoming aware of all of this now.

I was coming from a place of letting go and being more open... but I am still practicing this new style of being and communicating from this space.
Currently I am having trouble interpreting heart based communication and I am no longer living in my head either so I kind of feel like a new immigrant to a new land.
Perhaps it is best to sit back a bit and take a bit more of an observational approach as I learn to navigate the language!

[Mr Interesting]

I recently got into writing a blog post about what I think this stuff, here, might be though I didn't publish it simply because these days I feel just writing it down is enough. What the means, in a way, is that I simply feel that being in your own heart makes sense and simply feeling that it doesn't really matter what the head says.

I'd started out this particular blog post saying that I eventually figured out I'd been living from my heart pretty much from the get go and it kinda got me into trouble here and there, which was interesting in itself, but I always had enough of my own stuff going on that I'd just jump out, shake myself off, and simply get on with what ever seemed fun.

Okay, it was pretty perplexing at times especially when I'd meet people and know without knowing that they'd be my friends and then I'd simply take for granted we were, this future which wasn't yet, and, quite often, these people would freak out me suddenly full on in their lives... I'm such an idiot sometimes, and it took me absolutely ages to figure out others weren't like me, Theres even something called the Kruger Dunning effect which kinda explains it... anyway, fast forward through all the mess, which isn't really a mess, and nowadays I kinda just accept that what the people want is to hear is their own hearts and so I just kinda relax into hearing my own.

I'll argue a bit with people here and there... it tends to be fun, until it isn't or evolves into actual fun, I'm not worried... I just go somewhere else.

Gosh, what was my point? I suppose really I've kinda settled into less defensiveness of the heart havin' it's say... it just does anyway, and then there seems to be a tendency, as it were, in others that they actually start listening to their own, hearts, the stridency is gone, nothing to protect.

[keokutah]

You just accept that you can't. Accept that you're unorthodox.

When you're following your heart, people in their heads won't understand, thus any way you could possibly word it wouldn't make sense to them. Just be yourself, and speak what is in your heart. Don't try to force it to make sense to them, just do what you love, and it will attract those that share your dreams and it will remove those who don't.

[lemex]

You just accept that you can't.

Now this is where I differ about being and what it means to be spiritual. It's isn't we can't but we won't do things. I have found in life we absolutely don't know what we can do. It's only by this lesson I know the difference....lol. But as a novice in spirit I look at such events more as spiritual opportunities to learn and practice about myself as well. Is it a lesson I need, the thought of unconditional love and giving up. I use to avoid a lot to. I can see both side and I now do the other. Is this a novice mistake then? Choosing harder versus easier. It's not about pass or fail in my eyes.

Just wanted to say I'm not saying this is the way but just something I do now. It seems to work for me and in agreement with my own philosophy.

[naturesflow]

Now this is where I differ about being and what it means to be spiritual. It's isn't we can't but we won't do things. I have found in life we absolutely don't know what we can do. It's only by this lesson I know the difference....lol. But as a novice in spirit I look at such events more as spiritual opportunities to learn and practice about myself as well. Is it a lesson I need, the thought of unconditional love and giving up. I use to avoid a lot to. I can see both side and I now do the other. Is this a novice mistake then? Choosing harder versus easier. It's not about pass or fail in my eyes.

Just wanted to say I'm not saying this is the way but just something I do now. It seems to work for me and in agreement with my own philosophy.

What I gained through your sharing here, is that if one is open to the possibility they can, they just might. Part of letting go in the moment of interactions, is just being a self reflective/self aware presence...So the mind doesn't start telling you, "this is not working" , "these people are not listening" all the negative self talk will constantly create difficulties and not allow each interaction to develop as it is in you to move through more open minded and open hearted together..If your truly moving from an unconditional heart space, then all aspects of the external wouldn't bother you. You would move and relate as you are, more freely. So sometimes we think we are heart based, but we have exclusions in our heart relating that is not coming from that unconditional loving presence more so

Being an "unconditional open hearted human being" towards others as they are, tends to be a struggle for many, it requires you to let go of your own inner judgement and stay present with what is. In this way your own unconditional loving presence for you is not swayed or moved to shift into your mind, you are open and self reflecting through your heart and empathy for other life.


As you become more conscious in a relationship, you can no longer milk it for its romanticism, because it is more interesting than that. It really is, but people keep wanting to romanticize their lives all the time. It’s part of the culture. However, the awakening process starts to show you the emptiness of that form and you start to go for something deeper. You start to go to meet another human being in truth…

Truth is scary. Truth has bad breath at times. Truth is boring. Truth, you know, burns the food. Truth is… all the stuff. Truth has anger, it has all of it.

But, you stay in it and you keep working with it and keep opening to it and keep deepening it.

And every time you trade in a relationship, you begin to see how you keep coming to the same places, and how you tend to stop because it gets too heavy when our identity gets threatened too much. For the relationship to move to the next level of truth requires an opening and a vulnerability that you’re not quite ready to make. So, you pull back and start to judge and push away, and then you move to the next person, where you have the rush of the openness and the same thing starts to happen.

All the while you keep saying, “Where am I gonna find the one where this doesn’t happen?”

…It’ll only happen when it doesn’t happen in you – when you start to take and watch the stuff, when you start to get quiet enough inside yourself that you can take that process as it’s happening and start to work with it – continuing to come back to living the truth in yourself with the other person, even though it’s scary and hard. You hear what I’m talking about?

~ Ram Dass

[loopylucid]

Replied to wrong post!

[RedEmbers]

Some more realisations as I learn more about heart based communication:

I am more aware of when people are trying manipulate me for their own agenda. I've noticed that my integrity has been tested quite a bit lately.
I've started to really feel the difference between when other's are communicating with me from an honest heart based place and when some have tried to use it against me... to use feelings to manipulate.
I was even apologising for my participation in their manipulation for a time even as they continued to use my apology to further manipulate me...

These last few days I have felt myself move away from this kind of manipulation and gravitate to people who provide support.

I am perfectly in my power to not respond to manipulation... to walk away and to continue to live and communicate from the heart space without becoming manipulative myself...

Manipulation also seems to stem from a heart space as it uses emotions against other's for personal gain.

[naturesflow]

Some more realisations as I learn more about heart based communication:

I am more aware of when people are trying manipulate me for their own agenda. I've noticed that my integrity has been tested quite a bit lately.
I've started to really feel the difference between when other's are communicating with me from an honest heart based place and when some have tried to use it against me... to use feelings to manipulate.
I was even apologising for my participation in their manipulation for a time even as they continued to use my apology to further manipulate me...

These last few days I have felt myself move away from this kind of manipulation and gravitate to people who provide support.

I am perfectly in my power to not respond to manipulation... to walk away and to continue to live and communicate from the heart space without becoming manipulative myself...

Manipulation also seems to stem from a heart space as it uses emotions against other's for personal gain.


Your taking charge and ending a cycle you have been caught up in with others in this way. That's a good thing to recognise and respond too for you.

In time you learn to speak your heart even as the world moves as it does.
and no longer are you defined by the process. You have gained that piece as yourself to be you most naturally, no longer caught up in them.


I am aware your empathic so naturally you would sense others more readily in this way, becoming less entangled and more separate as you are choosing to be is really important to build a more loving presence in the face of others still caught up in themselves.

[Inika]

I'd go all out and say majority of people are in conflict. part of them craves to authentically be the true self the other part wants to live in the fearful base space. when you get one thats gradually opening to their true self (which can be frightening and vulnerable) and they comminicate with fearful base person there will be little to no understanding. Just confusion.