View Full Version : Losing Friends Along The Way
Hi all,
In some threads, I've seen people mention losing friends as part of spiritual development. In what specific cases has this happened to you, if you don't mind sharing?
I think in my case, I sense a couple things hindering my development, at least things that are external. It's not that my friends are bad people - they have really good hearts, it's just something about their friendship does not evolve. I feel myself expanding and I want to get out and explore the world while they will never leave their small city and they will always have the same 'problems' and never try to resolve them.
I think the reason why I feel I need to break free from them is because I see a side of myself in them that I don't like, and that's a side of me that's too timid to ever experience anything, if that makes sense.
I know it's up to me to handle my own situations, but do you think it's selfish to "end" friendships because of these feelings? Or is it just a psychological thing where I think I need to break free, but really could trick my mind into thinking otherwise?
Kapitan_Prien
14-02-2011, 07:38 PM
I'm a bizarre case but for me, I can agree with the hinderance of development.
The main thing is though in my case - I am simply not the person they knew. I am a whole different 'identity' due to the soul exchange (a whole different person).
I don't keep in touch with another as often as I used to. I decided to give her a call last night to see how she was doing - but, in this case, it is simply a 'parting of ways'...I think. Neither of us have ill feelings towards each other, but because of the soul exchange, the connections that were there prior to it, are now gone...so the spiritual bond that was 'felt' is no more.
Like I said...I'm a bizarre case... :D
Hehe, that is a bizarre case. But it also must have been very difficult.
Though I agree, even if I was to eventually cut ties with some friends, it would be in a friendly way, like "see you later" with no hard feelings. And I would always be there if they were ever in need of anything or in an emergency.
Lazarus72
14-02-2011, 07:53 PM
I can understand where you are coming from, Ive been through this too.
Buddha said "People are like clouds".
One way of looking at this is simply ..... 'things change'. :smile:
I can understand where you are coming from, Ive been through this too.
Buddha said "People are like clouds".
One way of looking at this is simply ..... 'things change'. :smile:
Hey, I like that! Thanks :smile:
Ladofthelight
14-02-2011, 08:11 PM
To me... One can not figure out who they really are, unless they turn within and take some "time" to do so. That may result in dropping many "things" from one's life. The resonance just isn't there anymore.
Many of my "friends" have shown little to no interest in anything that I have brought into my life. Thus, there is little to discuss anymore.
Other friends have expressed interest on their own, but are all on their own paths.
I have spent the most time "alone" than I ever have in my life, yet I have never felt more at peace with myself.
Some friendships that I thought would last for a very long time, shrivled and went away within a month or two. I personally didn't feel bad. No hard feelings. The empowerment realized from these experiences has been invaluable.
I encourage you, Mava, to do whatever the heck your heart tells you to do. Those who stand in judgement are only fueled by their own fear.
Love.
Lad
Kapitan_Prien
14-02-2011, 09:01 PM
I can relate to what Lad wrote about the resonance not being there anymore. That's like what I mentioned only mine was a bit more extreme...so yes it was difficult in its own weird way.
I can also relate to what he said with there not being much to discuss anymore. That's where I'm at now with the friend I called. She's involved with caring for her mom and I'm here dawdling online and off...
I too have spent much alone time and it's been very helpful for me in cutting away distractions and really seeing what is going on with me (which is good because things have been chaotic enough as it is). Due to this, I've become more at peace too with things.
So all in all...yeah, what Lad said. :D
To me... One can not figure out who they really are, unless they turn within and take some "time" to do so. That may result in dropping many "things" from one's life. The resonance just isn't there anymore.
Many of my "friends" have shown little to no interest in anything that I have brought into my life. Thus, there is little to discuss anymore.
Other friends have expressed interest on their own, but are all on their own paths.
I have spent the most time "alone" than I ever have in my life, yet I have never felt more at peace with myself.
Some friendships that I thought would last for a very long time, shrivled and went away within a month or two. I personally didn't feel bad. No hard feelings. The empowerment realized from these experiences has been invaluable.
I encourage you, Mava, to do whatever the heck your heart tells you to do. Those who stand in judgement are only fueled by their own fear.
Love.
Lad
Yea, it's almost like I met them at a time when I needed to, and now I have moved on, grown, and changed. There's nothing we really have in common, no strong bond keeping us together. And even though we've been friends for a few years now, I still feel like they don't even know me. I think it's time to let go.
On the other hand, since moving to college, I've been able to meet an amazing group of people. These are the people I can see myself being friends with for a good amount of time. It's also a great balance between, like you said, spending time by myself and spending time with them. I feel like when I'm alone, I grow so much, but I still feel like I'm evolving when I'm with these friends because they bring it out of me, whereas my old group of friends never did.
Thank you, Lad.
I can relate to what Lad wrote about the resonance not being there anymore. That's like what I mentioned only mine was a bit more extreme...so yes it was difficult in its own weird way.
I can also relate to what he said with there not being much to discuss anymore. That's where I'm at now with the friend I called. She's involved with caring for her mom and I'm here dawdling online and off...
I too have spent much alone time and it's been very helpful for me in cutting away distractions and really seeing what is going on with me (which is good because things have been chaotic enough as it is). Due to this, I've become more at peace too with things.
So all in all...yeah, what Lad said. :D
That's wonderful you've been able to become more at peace. I hope everything works out with your friend and who knows what things will happen in the future.
Greenslade
14-02-2011, 09:09 PM
Hi Mava
Most everything in this Life is transitory, and friendships are included. How many of the friends you first made at school are still friends with you now? There may be some - if any, but that's just the way people are. We grow, we change, we grow apart. There's nothing wrong with that, it's natural. You don't have to end it as such, the other option is to let it come to a natural end It's not being selfish to end if if that's what you choose to do, it's simply recognising that you and they are growing up and growing apart. It happens. You want to leave that goldfish bowl (I know that one very well) and they want to stay. They walk their Path and you walk yours, it really is that simple.
I also believe in echoes and reflections, what we see in other people is a reflection of ourselves as you have found out. Leaving a small city for the big wide world can seem daunting, and living the rest of your Life in a place you don't want to be can be pretty close to hell. While a part of you wants to leave it all behind, there's another part of you that's apprehensive.
Stop thinking. Listen to your Heart and use your gut feelings. Only you know how you really feel, and if you feel you want to get out there and experience then do it. If your Heart tells you to stay put then do that. For most of my young years I wanted out of this one-horse town. There was no logical reason other than it wasn't where my Heart was. Being honest, I'm glad I got out when I was young enough to. I'm back again many years later, but I don't ever regret getting out of it and experiencing things that many people never could.
Kapitan_Prien
14-02-2011, 09:19 PM
Greenslade: let it come to a natural end
Yep... :)
I wish the best for you too Mava! It's great to hear you have a small group of friends that you feel like you can 'grow' with. :)
Royalite
14-02-2011, 10:04 PM
I dropped flies like hot potatoes along this journey! I'm talking rapid! One minute we click, next minute I don't even want to see them, then I'm just walking past them like they're strangers and I really felt like they were too! No connection just see ya when I see ya!
One story is actually one of the reasons I chose to join this forum. I wanted some guidance because I was feeling so crippled because I didn't know how to disconnect from friends I made in college my freshman year. I was crying over them, meditating on them, praying, having dreams on them, rolling around in my room in anger over them, complaining to my mom, aunts, uncles, anyone who would listen about them, just all out depressed and I was really hating my life because I just didn't want to be around them anymore but I "didn't want to feel lonely"!
Anyways, I worked up the balls to just break contact with them and venture out into my own and it was great! I do NOT feel that lonely feeling at all now! I use to be writing all over these forums about and in the YourSpace section about my loneliness and my boredom and my xyz. :rolleyes: And now I'm free free free! :smile:
And the moral of my story is:
Decide what you want to do and don't look back! Make your intention and be serious about carrying out with it! Will power makes all things possible!
Elfay
14-02-2011, 10:05 PM
Hi Mava ! Its happened to me a lot over the last few years. I'm not really friends with those who were on their own spiritual journeys either ... I grew apart from them. I don't even keep in touch with friends I've known since childhood. I have tried but we had nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. We all grew apart, moved in different directions. I also have a way of pushing people away from me that get too close. I only have one trusted friend, I can tell her anything, she never judges me, we are not on the same spiritual wave length, yet we are. I just reconnected with my Twin Flame, we both are married yet we are very connected, I cherish our friendship very much. He is not at all spiritual at all yet it doesn't seem to matter. Our connection is very strong. As it is with my friend in TX. i don't really have a good friend in GA ... I never had a best friend, now I have 3. My husband, my friend in TX and my TF in NY.
Elfay
14-02-2011, 10:11 PM
dynamist - I was just like you that way !! I mourned losing my friends when I did. I was also afraid to break it off with them at first. They had been good friends and I did not thinl I could survive without them. They were stunting my growth and I didn't know it. I had to "unfriend" several from my Facebook page. I know I hurt them but I had to do it.
Gah, facebook! That's another thing that I know for sure is holding me back. Why? Because that's how these old friends of mine communicate with me. If it wasn't for facebook I can say with 100% positivity that I would not even speak to these people anymore - they just wouldn't call me and vice versa. I've tried deleting some of them, but they just re-add me and send me messages asking why I deleted them, whoops! I think I will just gradually talk to them less and less until it just fades instead of bluntly saying that I don't think our friendships are working out anymore.
It's wonderful to hear that you all have had such positive experiences moving forward even with making tough decisions. It is hard to feel alone but even harder to feel alone when you're surrounded by "friends," if that makes sense.
Kapitan_Prien
14-02-2011, 10:30 PM
I've done the whole Facebook and MySpace thing...nope, not for me.
Royalite
14-02-2011, 10:32 PM
dynamist - I was just like you that way !! I mourned losing my friends when I did. I was also afraid to break it off with them at first. They had been good friends and I did not thinl I could survive without them. They were stunting my growth and I didn't know it. I had to "unfriend" several from my Facebook page. I know I hurt them but I had to do it.
Ohhh yes, Facebook. I got rid of my facebook a little less than a year ago when I saw it was taking up way too much of my time. BUt prior I was deleting people like wild fire too! I never took the facebook numbers too seriously. "200 friends? I don't talk to that many people in one week! Cut that down to 20..." It was harder in real life. But it was definitely a learning experience.
athribiristan
15-02-2011, 03:10 AM
Yea, it's almost like I met them at a time when I needed to, and now I have moved on, grown, and changed. There's nothing we really have in common, no strong bond keeping us together. And even though we've been friends for a few years now, I still feel like they don't even know me. I think it's time to let go.
On the other hand, since moving to college, I've been able to meet an amazing group of people. These are the people I can see myself being friends with for a good amount of time. It's also a great balance between, like you said, spending time by myself and spending time with them. I feel like when I'm alone, I grow so much, but I still feel like I'm evolving when I'm with these friends because they bring it out of me, whereas my old group of friends never did.
Thank you, Lad.
Remember that the universe abhors a vaccuum. When we let go of things, other things come to replace them. When we hold on to ideas, things, or relationships that no longer serve us we prevent this.
Elfay
15-02-2011, 03:22 AM
I've got this whole love - hate thing with Facebook, I keep up with friends and family that I haven't seen in years ... I hate it for the same reason. If that makes sense.
Remember that the universe abhors a vaccuum. When we let go of things, other things come to replace them. When we hold on to ideas, things, or relationships that no longer serve us we prevent this.
I've noticed this...at times when I feel like I've lost everything, something better comes along and you know the universe is taking care of you. Thanks, Athribiristan. :smile:
I've got this whole love - hate thing with Facebook, I keep up with friends and family that I haven't seen in years ... I hate it for the same reason. If that makes sense.
Lol, it makes sense!
I think in my case, I sense a couple things hindering my development, at least things that are external. It's not that my friends are bad people - they have really good hearts, it's just something about their friendship does not evolve. I feel myself expanding and I want to get out and explore the world while they will never leave their small city and they will always have the same 'problems' and never try to resolve them.It's not that complicated for me, mava. In my case, friends (and family) have fallen by the wayside because I simply refuse to participate in relationships in which people judge me and my lifestyle. As well, dishonesty is something I have no time for, and I naturally gravitate away from anyone who displays inauthentic behavior of that sort. But that's the way the world goes round. Relationships come and go, for all sorts of reasons.
Well I think the main complication about it is was do you leave people who have good hearts. I mean if someone did me wrong, I wouldn't surround myself with them. These friends just haven't done anything one way or the other. I feel like I'm moving in the right direction now and I think I'll just gradually pull back from them.
Bbr, have you found a good group of people that you surround yourself with now? I hope so.
I was also thinking about this topic, and how it relates to family - and Bbr, you kind of brought that up. I think it's time i start pulling away from my mother as she isn't helping. My father on the other hand has the kindest heart and I could never leave him.
sunny shine
16-02-2011, 02:31 PM
To me... One can not figure out who they really are, unless they turn within and take some "time" to do so. That may result in dropping many "things" from one's life. The resonance just isn't there anymore.
Many of my "friends" have shown little to no interest in anything that I have brought into my life. Thus, there is little to discuss anymore.
Other friends have expressed interest on their own, but are all on their own paths.
I have spent the most time "alone" than I ever have in my life, yet I have never felt more at peace with myself.
Some friendships that I thought would last for a very long time, shrivled and went away within a month or two. I personally didn't feel bad. No hard feelings. The empowerment realized from these experiences has been invaluable.
I encourage you, Mava, to do whatever the heck your heart tells you to do. Those who stand in judgement are only fueled by their own fear.
Love.
Lad
thats is how you would feel when you are evolving. peace and love within thats great may you evolve further in your journey
Bbr, have you found a good group of people that you surround yourself with now? I hope so.
I was also thinking about this topic, and how it relates to family - and Bbr, you kind of brought that up. I think it's time i start pulling away from my mother as she isn't helping. My father on the other hand has the kindest heart and I could never leave him.Hi mava. My experience has been this: Since I became clear regarding my own needs, life has blossomed into a bright and wonderful and loving thing. A decade or so ago, I identified several life issues that were contributing to some very negative energy in my world. And one of them had to do with friends and family who didn't appear to have my best interests in mind. So I walked away from those relationships and never looked back.
I will not spend time with people who believe they have the right to judge and criticize others. That's my bottomline now.
Regarding parents: I respect my parents for this soul journey of mine they were in large part responsible for. :smile: But they're just people afterall. My mother is a wise and evolving being, and one of the least judgmental people I know. Because of that I enjoy her company. My father on the other hand was a somewhat cynical, angry individual who had alcohol-abuse issues. Our relationship pretty much ended the day I asked him to stop phoning me when he had been drinking, because I find it unpleasant and uncomfortable speaking to people in that state. He took that as an attack, and that was that. It was unfortunate, but I can't help how people react to my shaping my personal life and private space.
Good luck to you.
Nalini
18-02-2011, 03:34 PM
In my experience, once I found my own path and started walking it obviously a lot of things began to change. My mindset, my body, my aura.. everything. Basically my vibration began to rise. The vibration of those in my family and my friends either stayed the same or just rose at a much slower pace. It's nothing personal against them [ for the most part, but that's another story ], all that it is is that we no longer 'match'! It can be sad and difficult, but "that which is not needed falls away", and once you've learned what you needed from friend A, if they aren't ready to take the next step with you, you find new friends, friend B, to do so.
I hope that makes sense..
Kapitan_Prien
18-02-2011, 04:27 PM
bbr: Since I became clear regarding my own needs, life has blossomed into a bright and wonderful and loving thing. A decade or so ago, I identified several life issues that were contributing to some very negative energy in my world. And one of them had to do with friends and family who didn't appear to have my best interests in mind. So I walked away from those relationships and never looked back.
That's how it's been for me too. And to this day I refuse to either look back or go back. :-)
Hi mava. My experience has been this: Since I became clear regarding my own needs, life has blossomed into a bright and wonderful and loving thing. A decade or so ago, I identified several life issues that were contributing to some very negative energy in my world. And one of them had to do with friends and family who didn't appear to have my best interests in mind. So I walked away from those relationships and never looked back.
I will not spend time with people who believe they have the right to judge and criticize others. That's my bottomline now.
Regarding parents: I respect my parents for this soul journey of mine they were in large part responsible for. :smile: But they're just people afterall. My mother is a wise and evolving being, and one of the least judgmental people I know. Because of that I enjoy her company. My father on the other hand was a somewhat cynical, angry individual who had alcohol-abuse issues. Our relationship pretty much ended the day I asked him to stop phoning me when he had been drinking, because I find it unpleasant and uncomfortable speaking to people in that state. He took that as an attack, and that was that. It was unfortunate, but I can't help how people react to my shaping my personal life and private space.
Good luck to you.
Thank you for sharing your story, you're full of strength.
In my experience, once I found my own path and started walking it obviously a lot of things began to change. My mindset, my body, my aura.. everything. Basically my vibration began to rise. The vibration of those in my family and my friends either stayed the same or just rose at a much slower pace. It's nothing personal against them [ for the most part, but that's another story ], all that it is is that we no longer 'match'! It can be sad and difficult, but "that which is not needed falls away", and once you've learned what you needed from friend A, if they aren't ready to take the next step with you, you find new friends, friend B, to do so.
I hope that makes sense..
That makes perfect sense!
What you said about friends not being ready to take the next step when you find out what you need, this resonates with me so much. Beautiful words, thank you. :hug3:
Nalini
19-02-2011, 04:44 AM
Awesome, so glad it helped! :)
Cherub T
21-02-2011, 11:48 PM
This helps me a lot x
Soooo,
Since I've started this thread, 2 of my friends in particular who I was kind of trying to calmly avoid, have kept trying to chat with me on facebook! I have just ignored their chats - didn't tell them that I was going to slowly stop talking with them, but they have IMed me every...single...day since!
Am I really making the right move or is this something else - like me pushing them away just to test them to see if they'll come back?
My gut tells me I'm doing the right things because I know in my heart that our friendship will not grow any stronger since is hasn't in the last 5 years. I guess I should continue listening to heart even though sometimes I second guess myself.
angelleem
01-03-2011, 11:09 PM
Hi Mava, :smile: I can relate to your situation as I have also found close friendships and relationships have died a natural death simply because we have nothing in common anymore, my perspective on life has changed, I am no longer interested in doing the social things for the sake of it. For me this became a sad realization, riddled with guilt. In the end I honoured these friendships and relationships that brought me so much love and where I learned so many lessons by acknowledging it was time to move on. Im not saying it was easy, but it is better to be true to yourself rather than finding yourself in a situation where you know you do not belong. Please trust your own heart, if it feels wrong its wrong...Warmest Blessings:hug3: Angelleem
blackraven
02-03-2011, 01:24 AM
mava - I do so understand where you're coming from as you move further along on your spiritual journey. However, I would ask that forum members ask themselves if they would want to be on the receiving end of being dissed by a more spiritually-evolved friend. I have been let go by means of ignoring and it feels dismissive and disrespectful. I got the point really quick. And that's after a 12-year friendship. I just thought I would bring in the flip side of the coin here. Everyone on this planet has a purpose in this life and on your life path. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss people unless they truly stand in your way of healthy living.
Blackraven
mava - I do so understand where you're coming from as you move further along on your spiritual journey. However, I would ask that forum members ask themselves if they would want to be on the receiving end of being dissed by a more spiritually-evolved friend. I have been let go by means of ignoring and it feels dismissive and disrespectful. I got the point really quick. And that's after a 12-year friendship. I just thought I would bring in the flip side of the coin here. Everyone on this planet has a purpose in this life and on your life path. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss people unless they truly stand in your way of healthy living.
Blackraven
I have thought about this side...this is what is making me feel guilty. They haven't done me any wrong, but also they just haven't done ANYTHING whatsoever to bring anything to the friendship. By no means am I trying to "diss" them or say that I am more spiritually evolved. I am just going down a different spirituall path than them - a different life path, etc.
It's not even necessarily about spirituality either. It's mostly just about friendships, and they're not going anywhere. I feel like by being friends with them I'm tied down to this "thing" that I'm trying to break free of, and I don't want to end up being tied down forever, like they will be.
I appreciate your response so much, it has made me think a lot about friendship.
Hi Mava, :smile: I can relate to your situation as I have also found close friendships and relationships have died a natural death simply because we have nothing in common anymore, my perspective on life has changed, I am no longer interested in doing the social things for the sake of it. For me this became a sad realization, riddled with guilt. In the end I honoured these friendships and relationships that brought me so much love and where I learned so many lessons by acknowledging it was time to move on. Im not saying it was easy, but it is better to be true to yourself rather than finding yourself in a situation where you know you do not belong. Please trust your own heart, if it feels wrong its wrong...Warmest Blessings:hug3: Angelleem
Thank you, Angelleem. :hug3:
CJ82Sky
02-03-2011, 01:55 AM
i just posted about this in the love and relationships forum the other day. it's hard but yes it happens and happened recently to me (details in there). though the more my vibrations get higher, the easier it is to understand the why and the happier i am with my life, allowing me to let the old friends go to hopefully find their way to better energy. and perhaps to become close again but in case not, at least i know that it was still for the best.
CJ82Sky
02-03-2011, 01:56 AM
Thank you, Angelleem. :hug3:
i second this completely!
i just posted about this in the love and relationships forum the other day. it's hard but yes it happens and happened recently to me (details in there). though the more my vibrations get higher, the easier it is to understand the why and the happier i am with my life, allowing me to let the old friends go to hopefully find their way to better energy. and perhaps to become close again but in case not, at least i know that it was still for the best.
Oh yes, I read your thread! Might've even commented, too!
I agree!
Moonkestrel
02-03-2011, 08:01 AM
Thanks so much for this thread....I always used to struggle with sticking up for myself within friendships and, even if there was unwanted energies surrounding it I would never speak up and just go along with what everyone else wanted. It got to the point where I was running round texting people and trying to organise get togethers in order to 'not feel lonely' but, one day, I suddenly decided to stop - if people are really my friends and want to see me, they will text me. I can count on less than the fingers of one hand how many made the effort...some attempted to make me feel guilty for not being in touch when they never were in the first place.
I now speak up for myself (be honest and fear not that's what I say) and feel much more balanced, calm and peaceful....I actually have time to spend on both myself and those closest to me without wasting energies on anything unecessary in my life.
Mava the bet advice I can give is go with what feels right and trust that this is for your highest good. Your posts are obviously evident that you are not doing anything malicious and are struggling with this...try to release any guilt and, if any of your friendships are meant to continue, they will. Take it easy and keep us posted on how you get on. xxx
Thanks so much for this thread....I always used to struggle with sticking up for myself within friendships and, even if there was unwanted energies surrounding it I would never speak up and just go along with what everyone else wanted. It got to the point where I was running round texting people and trying to organise get togethers in order to 'not feel lonely' but, one day, I suddenly decided to stop - if people are really my friends and want to see me, they will text me. I can count on less than the fingers of one hand how many made the effort...some attempted to make me feel guilty for not being in touch when they never were in the first place.
I now speak up for myself (be honest and fear not that's what I say) and feel much more balanced, calm and peaceful....I actually have time to spend on both myself and those closest to me without wasting energies on anything unecessary in my life.
Mava the bet advice I can give is go with what feels right and trust that this is for your highest good. Your posts are obviously evident that you are not doing anything malicious and are struggling with this...try to release any guilt and, if any of your friendships are meant to continue, they will. Take it easy and keep us posted on how you get on. xxx
Thank you so much. It's so good knowing other people have dealt with this too and have felt better in the end.
"I actually have time to spend on both myself and those closest to me without wasting energies on anything unecessary in my life." This resonates with me, and I'll keep this in mind because it IS important for me to focus on my close relationships right now. :hug:
Well, one of my friends finally got the hint that I was avoiding him. I know this sounds very immature.. but I just didn't see any other way. I've talked to them in the past about how I just felt our friendship wasn't progressing, but they didn't really do anything to change it.
So I explained to him what I'd been thinking and he basically just said "if that's what you want, you got it." I don't know...I'm kind of upset by this honestly, at how fast he'd just let me go. Just goes to show how much they care.
I still feel very strong about my decision. I'm ready for change and positivity. I can feel myself shifting like crazy, like I'm releasing blocks and expanding my awareness.
Jules
10-03-2011, 01:44 PM
Hi Mava,
Well done you first of all for having the courage to say it to him .. so take a step back and look at his reply ... It show's your instincts were right along, and he's not the friend you once thought :)
Namaste
Jue x
Hi Mava,
Well done you first of all for having the courage to say it to him .. so take a step back and look at his reply ... It show's your instincts were right along, and he's not the friend you once thought :)
Namaste
Jue x
Thank you so much! :hug3:
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