How to love myself?

[CherryCherry]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.

I constantly feel that others are better than me or more beautiful, even if they're not considered attractive. I look after my appearance/body and wear nice clothes but I always feel I fall short regardless of others telling me I'm so pretty/talented/kind.

I'm an artist, so I guess that helps to work on my feminine energies. Why do I feel this way? I've been watching YouTube videos on self love, could you recommend anything else? Thank you ❤️

[55Degrees]

A great place to go is here,
http://www.kelly-annmaddox.com/search?q=Self+love+september
She has some amazing journalling exercises and some great videos (3 years worth). She also points out that self love is a daily practice.

One thing I strongly advocate is writing a love letter to yourself. Write it as though you are writing to someone you adore, all the things that makes that person special to you (not just the physical) that you admire about them. Write the things you'd love someone else would write to you about your most positive attributes (again not just the physical things). And keep reading it back to yourself every day.

Self love comes from within, it's about not pointing out your own 'flaws' it's about celebrating your uniqueness (over time this becomes easier).

I'm an artist, so I guess that helps to work on my feminine energies
Have you thought that you may need to exercise some of your masculine energy too? Everything need balance.

Why do I feel this way?
Society! So much pressure from main stream and social media and so much of it is faked through airbrushing, photo filters and camera angles. I know of people who take about 20 - 25 selfies to get that one photo to upload. It's all an illusion.

[linen53]

Welcome to the club.

It was when I was going through a rough patch and I had no one else to support me.

I learned to wrap my arms around my shoulders and when I was remembering all the awful things others had done to me and hug myself.

In other words, when I was being abused and no one else was there to protect me, later, when I was an adult and remembering those things, I would wrap my arms around myself and love myself and take care of the "me" that was young and being abused.

That and I learned to not "should" on myself. I should have done this, I should have done that. Heck, we live in the moment. One of my most repeat sayings is :rolleyes: saying, you are there (Behind the Veil) I am here, we will discuss this when I get there.

Age makes a big difference. You learn to put all your :duckie: :duckie: in a row. Give it time. Be gentle on yourself. It will come, but not until you are older.

Unless you are a prodigy and learn early.

[keokutah]

When you find the answer, let me know.

I love myself for who I am, I love my soul, my personality, my talents, etc. I rely on myself, I love spending time alone with myself, it's been a long journey of learning that.

And I am extremely happy when I am doing things and focused on what I love.

But for some reason, as soon as I see myself in a mirror or a reflection, I see
myself as deformed and hideous. It's so bad sometimes that I'm sure I'm not seeing things right.

Because other people seem to think I'm attractive, but I don't see that when I see myself, and the weird thing is I cannot even recognize myself, I don't know what I truly look like. I can't even imagine what I look like when I close my eyes.
I most times feel completely unfamiliar with my body and my face. And not just unfamiliar with it, but absolutely disgusted by all its faults.

I consistently still struggle with body image issues, despite all of the hard work I've done. All the self work I've done.

I imagine it is a lot harder for women to deal with. But I had an eating disorder in my past. And with it, I would have literal hallucinations when I would look at myself. I truly did not see what everyone else saw.
And the weird thing is, I still couldn't see the truth in photographs of myself, until a few years later. Years later I would look at the photograph and see how good looking I was, but at the time I swear I saw someone that looked all deformed.

It's very odd. And to make things worse, it seems like everyone else constantly sees me as different too, like I'm a chameleon or a shapeshifter, sot hat sometimes I wonder if maybe I am deforming myself, and then other times I change my physical form to look more attractive.

But since this is a very appearance based society, you can be sure that everyone who meets me only ever comments on my appearance, so I know what they are seeing when they see me, and it's never the same. It's so bad that sometimes people mistake me to be completely different races even. Is that because I'm changing forms?
Do people have changing perceptions of what they see?

I have long since contemplated throwing out all the mirrors in my house. Because when I don't see myself, I am perfectly happy. Then, I can be whatever I want to be.

I have a strong hunch that the main reason why I am such a perfectionist, is because I am an ET Walk In, and I'm just not used to the human faults that are existing in my body. They bother me so much because my ET body is... so much more perfect than this.
I've prayed so much to find a way to escape my negative feelings about my body. I don't know if it's possible at this point.

[Lorelyen]

But for some reason, as soon as I see myself in a mirror or a reflection, I see
myself as deformed and hideous. It's so bad sometimes that I'm sure I'm not seeing things right.

Because other people seem to think I'm attractive, but I don't see that when I see myself, and the weird thing is I cannot even recognize myself, I don't know what I truly look like. I can't even imagine what I look like when I close my eyes.
I most times feel completely unfamiliar with my body and my face. And not just unfamiliar with it, but absolutely disgusted by all its faults.

It's an interesting topic because loving oneself should come from a natural equanimity about oneself, self-confidence but from the slant of confidence in oneself, one's spirit, one's wellbeing and the ability to project love and attraction toward others (when appropriate and protect oneself when not).

The most difficult part is uncovering or overriding those facets of self that deny one self love. Probably everyone is different.
For instance, if someone believes looks are holding them back then work with a magic mirror but not to solve just that problem. Sure, until you look at yourself and like what you see, recognise that your characteristics are just as acceptable as anyone else stripped of cosmetics, you can't expect others to appreciate your looks for what they are. But more than that, use of a magic mirror takes you on a journey into yourself.

I imagine it is a lot harder for women to deal with.
Because many compare themselves to celebs, catwalk models and the like. They're pushed into doing that and see one solution as imitating the fakery that celebs represent. It is difficult for many women to get back to their basic self, divorced from their idols, partly because attempting to imitate celebs, fashion etc have become institutionalised. So I agree. Doesn't concern me because I pulled out of all that long ago. I still try to present an image suited to an occasion. Perhaps the contrast in such "occasions" makes it easier. Even so I never wear facial make-up.


It's very odd. And to make things worse, it seems like everyone else constantly sees me as different too, like I'm a chameleon or a shapeshifter, sot hat sometimes I wonder if maybe I am deforming myself, and then other times I change my physical form to look more attractive.
Because people see you from their own viewpoints, coloured by the demand they're about to make of you. This is where equanimity and strength of character counts. You can be your Self. It's a very good thing to be! So you have no worry about what people think of you... let them play their mind games, make demands and so on or just enjoin in friendship. Do what you need to do driven by your Self. If they dismiss you for not going along with some scheme, does it really matter to you?

Do people have changing perceptions of what they see?

If you mean do their perceptions change during an interaction? My answer would be "yes" as you "get to know" each other. If over a period of time - well we all grow...subtly by the minute really, so their perception of you will change, sometimes subtly, sometimes extensively.

...

[LadyMay]

You know how you can beat yourself up... for, well, beating yourself up? Easy to do. First step towards self-love is to learn to be accepting of what your feeling, without judging yourself. Instead of saying "I hate myself because I can't get my emotions in order", try and turn it around to "I hate myself and that's okay for now".... eventually, the more you do this, the more your emotions will begin to shift to something more positive.

[Merlini]

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
Gautama Buddha

[wanchain]

Oh this topic of self-love! I have a friend who likes to say this all the time. When I ask him for advice or opinion, he would say, "Love yourself."

For a long time, I couldn't feel/understand the meaning of it. Then I have another friend who is like a drama queen. I tell her that she needs to love herself. Then she says, "I do love myself. I go on vacation. I buy expensive handbags and cosmetics." Blah, blah, blah.

When I embarked on an inner journey, I thought, self-love is connecting to one's true self. I thought I loved myself, because I could sense my essence. But I think there's more.

A person who truly loved himself will not allow herself to be harmed/violated/offended, etc. On that note, I still have quite a way to go to loving myself.

[lemex]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.



A good start I think. Look to the past and you'll probably find the answer then move from that now to now. Can relate to what you mention some false narrative I had. :smile:

[Molearner]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.



When one realizes that God loves us what else is there? If we say that we do not love ourselves....that we are not worthy of love.....does that mean that we believe God is wrong?

[lilith]

You know how you can beat yourself up... for, well, beating yourself up? Easy to do. First step towards self-love is to learn to be accepting of what your feeling, without judging yourself. Instead of saying "I hate myself because I can't get my emotions in order", try and turn it around to "I hate myself and that's okay for now".... eventually, the more you do this, the more your emotions will begin to shift to something more positive.

Yes, pretty much that's it. Acceptance of everything as it is. Plus, all the feelings and problems you have come from comparing yourself to others. Instead, compete with yourself, your old self and thrive for better version. You'll find love that's always been there for you, right there inside yourself if you allow yourself to just be, be you and feel it. :hug3:

[Mr Interesting]

I saw this video last night on facebook then went inside and found a mirror, not into me... hehe, I lve in a shack out in the backyard so I went into the house where my Mum lives much more normally, and peered into my own eyes... I'd already started smiling, and told myself I loved me... Man I was grinning my head off!

How is it done, how do we get there? I don't actually know, small steps I suppose. Little bit at a time... maybe start with your toes! Love them, cherish them, treat them nice.

Such a lovely watch! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFHY5w0kDMM)

[lauterb]

Dear CherryCherry

I think you feel something is missing, you are not complete. External beauty, charm etc is not enough, in deed dont mean anything to you because you need to cultivate higher values than only appearance.

Instead looking into youself look for the others who need help, assistance, guidance!

It might be silly but for sure will fullfill you and this felling will disappear... do charity, help others, do some voluntary work to help elders, give art class for poor kids, do something and you will see soon the results!

Good action opens doors! Good work!

[Miss Hepburn]

Ok, my little sister...I want you to imagine something...
let's say you have a lover...or an adored aunt come visit or
a new loved puppy.
How do you love them?
Make a list.

1. You make them as comfortable as you can the whole time
-pillows
- room temp
-a blanket as thy watch TV cuddling with you.
-a beverage
-later a bubble bath
-then clean sheets
-then a loving breakfast...
Repeat as needed...which is daily!

You praise them, appreciate them...support them after a hard day...
cook them their favorite meal...you sweep their path to the outdoors in the winter....and so on.

THIS is how you love yourself...you love 'you' as God loves you ...
breathing your every breath...digesting your food...growing your hair as you sleep.

Adore who you are...because the Creator of a billion galaxies does..
every hair on your head.
:hug3:

You must realize who you are....to really get this.
Forget what the world has taught you or what the egoic mind
repeats in your pretty little head...realize who you are!
xxoo

[Anne]

Miss Hepburn - I'm in awe of such an inspired post. Thank you.

This is an issue I have struggled with for decades, loving myself, and I doubt it's going to go away anytime soon. But I'm working on it... I'm working on not beating myself up, and it's not an easy task.

CherryCherry: the responses you have received on this thread emanate from the very best writers on SF, in my opinion. I'm taking notes.., I hope you are as well.

[Dan_SF]

You should not be in awe of anything but to the Creator of Perfection, and that is God.
(awe is inappropriate behavior to equals, but appropriate to Higher being, which is only God.)

You can give thanks to brothers, like Miss Hepburn.

Back to the topic:

Do not look at the others bodies because this involves judgement. Instead look past the bodies, to the light which makes them appear wherever you see them.

When you know of this light, you can safely love it, and so you will love as well feel the real love.

What you fear in others is the change. And they will change as long as they need to learn.
Appearances may change, but this light wont, and so your love wont change as well.

As God does not really care how you are clothed, so should you not compare yourself with others.

As Miss Hepburn wrote, add to it that you have the same light from the God, and this you can love, regardless of what you do, because you would not do it, if you knew of a better way.

[Miss Hepburn]

You should not be in awe of anything but to the Creator of Perfection,
and that is God.
(awe is inappropriate behavior to equals, but appropriate to
Higher Being, which is only God.)
I agree.
However, it was the inspired post...not me...and where
does inspiration come from? Drumroll...

God! Spirit! :hello2:

[Miss Hepburn]

A technique...
This may help, it did me decades ago...of course, it did cause me some
trouble...way too many people fell in love with me...it wasn't really a
good thing...only one example was 1 of 3 married men.
He confessed to his wife who decided to become friends with me, that
way I would never
'take her hubby', wise woman!
However, then she fell in love with me and they wanted to do a 3-some...ah,
I laughed and declined. So cute.

The technique:
(But you must do it this way, no cutting corners...because it is
how the brain processes it, see?)

You sit and long hand write out:

The more I, Cherry, love myself, the more others will love me.
The more you, Cherry, love yourself, the more others will love you.
The more she, Cherry, loves herself the more others will love her.

xs 10...not a couple xs...ok? TEN.

The next day, no writing.
You relax in, say, a recliner....breath in a relaxed way 10 breathes.

Now, repeat the above 3 sentences above 10 xs.

You will not be needing to do it very many days.

There is a mind shift (similar to A Course in Miracles).
While you are relaxing for these minutes repeating silently and outloud...
(You will find yourself naturally saying this while driving, I mean why not?)...your mind
will automatically be pondering....
What is love?
How do I love myself?
And so on....
What will happen is you will start moving in love, you will reach for a glass, in love.
You will speak to others in love; as you
are slowly and gently putting your coat on as you would for a lover.
(It's quite sensual.)

The Mind Shift is the key...this self love doesn't just 'happen'...it can take effort...great things do.
This is why the wife fell in love with me, also, as we shopped and had
lunches...she fell in love with the love I had for myself!
It is one of the most attractive things.
You feeel it in another.
It is a magnetism, extraordinaire... and the world needs more of it.

Picture yourself walking with such confidence that heads turn...
they feel it....because you feel it inside yourself, for yourself.
(God, btw, loves this!)

[Conscious Coincidences]

One moment I realized that my actions would have more effect than just words. I decided that in order to show my self-love, that taking good care of myself was extremely important and where I could improve a lot was when it came to healthy and tasteful food.
Since then I made my breakfast an important part of my ritual and so I make an incredible breakfast, with berries, nuts, figs, dried dates and much more.
Every time I eat it, it is clear that I must love myself a lot, to take such good care of myself :)

[Cmt12]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.

I constantly feel that others are better than me or more beautiful, even if they're not considered attractive. I look after my appearance/body and wear nice clothes but I always feel I fall short regardless of others telling me I'm so pretty/talented/kind.

I'm an artist, so I guess that helps to work on my feminine energies. Why do I feel this way? I've been watching YouTube videos on self love, could you recommend anything else? Thank you ❤️
This path of self love is going to fail you. You did well to identify something about yourself that you want to fix, but you're trying to take the easy way. Search yourself for where the resistance and pain is for your self esteem issue and you'll find an aspiration or desire that leads you in that direction that you have given up on in the past or avoided altogether.

Once you identify it, hold onto it with determination. You don't need to act on it until the resistance begins to lessen. Be patient, take your time. But don't allow yourself to take the easy paths any longer.

[Anne]

You should not be in awe of anything but to the Creator of Perfection, and that is God.
(awe is inappropriate behavior to equals, but appropriate to Higher being, which is only God.)

You can give thanks to brothers, like Miss Hepburn.

Sorry Dan. Awe is definitely not reserved for God only. I call human beings and their talents awesome!

[lemex]

Sorry Dan. Awe is definitely not reserved for God only. I call human beings and their talents awesome!

Oh yes, absolutely. Nothing to be sorry about saying that... lol. I like this education one can have. Everything is based on experiencing and not everyone will know what the experience means. Found what you said to be true, just wanted to say it was a great learning experience I never could have imagined. You ain't bad....lol.

[Miss Hepburn]

You know that technique on page 2 I wrote?
Well, gee, last night I silently said it a couple xs.
What a change!
But first x, ya have to do the whole process.

[lemex]

You know that technique on page 2 I wrote?
Well, gee, last night I silently said it a couple xs.
What a change!
But first x, ya have to do the whole process.

Yeah, but it's worth mentioning again! :smile:

[naturesflow]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.

I constantly feel that others are better than me or more beautiful, even if they're not considered attractive. I look after my appearance/body and wear nice clothes but I always feel I fall short regardless of others telling me I'm so pretty/talented/kind.

I'm an artist, so I guess that helps to work on my feminine energies. Why do I feel this way? I've been watching YouTube videos on self love, could you recommend anything else? Thank you ❤️


I found a great video once, I hope I can find it, you could take a leaf from this young girls vibe if it helps by doing the same thing each day for you!

ah found it..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg


Self love is a journey and process of life. So regardless of what you do right now, it takes time and effort to build confidence, courage and acceptance. Self love is a deeper journey of you, letting go and reconnecting to your deeper essence in feeling that your ok just as you are. Feelings can change as you build the confidence in yourself, accept and change things that you wish to change, accept those things of you, you cant change. Life itself is a good teacher too, so where you cant build your own self love, life will show you ways in experiences to do so. There is no one way, but many ways, so enjoy your life as it is for now and continue step by step to let the deepening in you come to life one with your life.

My nineteen year old was chatting away to me about his dreams and life experiences that he would like to be a part of. I just listened to him and let him share. When he got to the end, he then said to me. "I need to remember mum that I am only nineteen years old, I am still young, I have a whole life ahead of me"...(wise words son..:) )

[Dan_SF]

Sorry Dan. Awe is definitely not reserved for God only. I call human beings and their talents awesome!

Keep what i said in mind,for when you start awakening. Then you will understand.

[naturesflow]

Sorry Dan. Awe is definitely not reserved for a God alone. I call human beings and their talents awesome!


Yes. People forget that the awe of the creator or god works through anything/many ways, many things. But then I suppose they use god as the whole in feeling, when the potential in feeling can rise to meet any face/experience as the creation of God.

I often wonder if those people reserve their feelings, because the mind dictates that god alone is the point of feeling the awe. That there is only one point of recognition that opens one to feeling. Where as we/life are the creation that shows us the face of creation in everyway of itself when we look and allow, feel and open to it.

The nature of life as it is inspires me, in every way life is, because I choose to see god in this way. Each piece, the deepening of one's awareness of all life connected as creation. Each face, each experience housing the potential of the infinite awe and grace. I am the one in feeling noticing, relating and experiencing all of this.. How I relate to all life speaks of my own connection to the creator...It is not reserved for myself or for a figure called GOD...

It seeks to know itself in everyway it already is as creation..

[naturesflow]

Keep what i said in mind,for when you start awakening. Then you will understand.


When I was awakening it was my mind that was being cleared to not contain myself by thoughts of others or my own. The mind was showing me quite clearly it was the place of my resistance and conditioned nature. And so emptying it out to open it clear was more its process.
So to understand your comment, can you explain further what you see in this way?

[Miss Hepburn]

This 'awe' thing...limiting the feeling of awe...I dunno...
is what is objectionable, per se, Dan.
I, of course, understand what your point is...and it is a great one.
However, if a person feels awe in a baby, a pebble...sees a
world in a grain of sand or a heaven in a wild flower,
holds eternity in the palm of their hand...so be it.

[naturesflow]

Oh yes, absolutely. Nothing to be sorry about saying that... lol. I like this education one can have. Everything is based on experiencing and not everyone will know what the experience means. Found what you said to be true, just wanted to say it was a great learning experience I never could have imagined. You ain't bad....lol.

Yes this is true.

Everything is based on experiencing and we are the ones experiencing all this.

So the meaning is really our own personal feelings relating to what we know and don't know too. What we believe and don't believe. What we see and don't see. What we want to focus on and not focus on...infinitely soaking where we soak.. :wink:

[manishk012]

Hi all,

I have finally decided to work on my self love, as my self-esteem isn't very good at all. There are so many people that tell me I'm very beautiful and I am considered very attractive ... but I don't feel it.

I constantly feel that others are better than me or more beautiful, even if they're not considered attractive. I look after my appearance/body and wear nice clothes but I always feel I fall short regardless of others telling me I'm so pretty/talented/kind.

I'm an artist, so I guess that helps to work on my feminine energies. Why do I feel this way? I've been watching YouTube videos on self love, could you recommend anything else? Thank you ❤️

Knowing yourself, you will love yourself..