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Bella
01-02-2011, 01:01 AM
Please bare with me unconditionally.

Lately I've been having huge urges to try heroin. I'm not sure why. I want to put my body through a state of withdrawl, to see how my body will react, to see how I can handle it, to feel the reaction of the drug in my veins.

I had gone through a drug period long ago. I never touched that. I asked a heroin addict last time I was downtown and drunk out of nowhere after he gave me a smoke, what it is like. He told me he saw something in my eyes, to not ruin myself.


It feels like I want to put myself into a life theme of addiction or something, unnaturally.


What is wrong with me ?

dogninja
01-02-2011, 02:01 AM
Unconditionally?

when my friends would turn into heroin addicts I would write them off as dead sometimes. Heroin addicts die, and destroy every realtionship around them. If you are interested in hurting yourself, and everyone you know.... maybe you should seek help.

Maybe it sounds romantic to you?

why dont you just have a love affair with some jerk you can break up with>?


ugh

earthprowler
01-02-2011, 02:42 AM
as i read your post, the face of a woman in a black bursa popped into my head and all i could see were the eyes. i do believe you are hiding yourself from something. whether that makes any sense to you or not this is what and how i felt. these drugs are not toys to play with, even people that have tried them for the very first time have overdosed and died.

i hope you reconsider your thoughts.

Racer X
03-02-2011, 08:44 PM
Read "The Shadow Effect by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson" .......

Heroin is a very tough way to cross......tobacco can be harder to cross, but it does not kill quite so quickly.

If you fall........
Get up QUICK!

If you fall again.....
Get up AGAIN!

If you fall 1,000 times......
GET UP 1,000 TIMES!

I Am a Master of ......
falling and getting up! lol~

Ivy
03-02-2011, 10:33 PM
Please bare with me unconditionally.

Lately I've been having huge urges to try heroin. I'm not sure why. I want to put my body through a state of withdrawl, to see how my body will react, to see how I can handle it, to feel the reaction of the drug in my veins.

I had gone through a drug period long ago. I never touched that. I asked a heroin addict last time I was downtown and drunk out of nowhere after he gave me a smoke, what it is like. He told me he saw something in my eyes, to not ruin myself.


It feels like I want to put myself into a life theme of addiction or something, unnaturally.


What is wrong with me ?

There is that feeling to go to extremes...to do something that you dont know you can get out of, that tests your sprit.

What else are you afraid of? moreso than an addiction to a drug?

What if you loved unconditionmally....and got your heart broke because somebody else didnt want you unless they could control you? Could you stand alone...or would you run after them?

Bella
06-02-2011, 10:06 PM
I feel really horrible for making this post and I wish there was a way to delete it please forgive me. I more or less understand what I was trying to capture inside of myself with these thoughts.

Bella
06-02-2011, 10:09 PM
There is that feeling to go to extremes...to do something that you dont know you can get out of, that tests your sprit.

What else are you afraid of? moreso than an addiction to a drug?

What if you loved unconditionmally....and got your heart broke because somebody else didnt want you unless they could control you? Could you stand alone...or would you run after them?



................ what do you mean exactly ................ ?
Somebody else didn't want you unless they could control you ....... what does that mean for that person ?? ....................... if they feel they have no control whatsoever on the other person ....... as if the other person has too much self awareness ect .. ?? ....... wow that just gave me a lot to ponder confused ......

Thank you .................................................. .................

earthprowler
06-02-2011, 10:13 PM
Please bare with me unconditionally.

Lately I've been having huge urges to try heroin. I'm not sure why. I want to put my body through a state of withdrawl, to see how my body will react, to see how I can handle it, to feel the reaction of the drug in my veins.

I had gone through a drug period long ago. I never touched that. I asked a heroin addict last time I was downtown and drunk out of nowhere after he gave me a smoke, what it is like. He told me he saw something in my eyes, to not ruin myself.


It feels like I want to put myself into a life theme of addiction or something, unnaturally.


What is wrong with me ?


what if this was your child saying this to you? what would you tell them?

Bella
07-02-2011, 12:09 AM
what if this was your child saying this to you? what would you tell them?


That is a very good way to perceive it to gain a bigger perspective on the emotional undercurrent ............


Again I'm sorry for making this post.

cvsouth
03-12-2012, 12:03 PM
Please bare with me unconditionally.

Lately I've been having huge urges to try heroin. I'm not sure why. I want to put my body through a state of withdrawl, to see how my body will react, to see how I can handle it, to feel the reaction of the drug in my veins.

I had gone through a drug period long ago. I never touched that. I asked a heroin addict last time I was downtown and drunk out of nowhere after he gave me a smoke, what it is like. He told me he saw something in my eyes, to not ruin myself.


It feels like I want to put myself into a life theme of addiction or something, unnaturally.


What is wrong with me ?

Bella this is the universe testing you to see if you have learned from your previous mistakes and whether you need to go through it all again. Wise up and know that you learned the first time that you are better without drugs and addiction.

People are often resistant to change but you have to remember that you are not the same person you were when you went through drug problems before and you will never be that person again. You have moved forward since then so keep moving forward and stop thinking about going backwards.

Find something new which you can focus on which takes you in a POSITIVE direction and forget this Heroin nonsense.

Good luck :)

GhostMachine
03-12-2012, 12:10 PM
That is a very good way to perceive it to gain a bigger perspective on the emotional undercurrent ............


Again I'm sorry for making this post.

Never apologize for being honest.

You don't owe that to anybody here.

Bodhi_Spirit
03-12-2012, 12:16 PM
Please please please do not do that! Once you cross that line it's very unlikely you will be able to bounce back most people can't. I'll spare you the details but since I've been sober a little over three years now things are much better. Trust me you DO NOT want to go down that road.

sound
03-12-2012, 12:19 PM
Hi Bella

First up I cant speak for anyone else here but there is certainly nothing to be ashamed or anxious about in front of me for expressing what you did in your opening post.
I have worked with lots of women who have either been on the verge/in that stage of contemplation, those who have dabbled a little, those who are struggling to abstain and/or those who are on a program after managing to get off it.

If you feel I may be able to support you in some way you are more than welcome to PM me at any time yeah ... I am in Australia but i dont see that as a barrier in my ability to offer the kind of support you may be looking for :hug3:

cvsouth
03-12-2012, 12:30 PM
The fact that you've created this thread and put it in the healing section shows that you know that is this a bad idea. It is ok looking for confirmation and guideance but listen to yourself and take sovereignty over your life. Like I said, it is a test.

glenos
03-12-2012, 02:55 PM
I don't think you know what you'd be getting in to and possibly not out of.

G

Kaere
03-12-2012, 06:21 PM
Bella, this thread is almost two years old and you expressed then that you wished it had been deleted. Please advise staff soonest as to your current wishes.

chilly
08-12-2012, 06:59 PM
Wow, two years old, huh. Still gonna reply.

I just wanted leave this here for anyone that could be experiencing feelings similar to Bella's. First of all, don't let anyone guilt trip you about your own honest feelings. Don't let anyone dissuade you from doing what you feel like doing- this is your life. You, like everyone, have natural curiosities. Don't let anyone suppress them with their negative attitude.

I believe that literally everything is okay in moderation, and I encourage experimentation. Realistically though, the odds that anything good happening out of trying heroin are against you. If you're still so interested, do some research and decide for yourself. If you want my opinion, there are more exciting, safer drugs out there worth exploring that have shown positive results. In any case, if your curiosity is causing you stress, find a distraction- it'll probably pass with time.

Neville
08-12-2012, 07:08 PM
From our rules in the FAQ above.

Drug Talk: Drugs used to be openly and maturely discussed when the forum was in it's infancy, but due to the number of people actively promoting it for spiritual advancement we have blanket banned it with the exception of someone who is seeking support to come off drugs.